Still falling for you
by Natascha Romanoff
Summary: Sequel to Neighbors. Steve and Natasha work on their relationship, help Bucky settle in and plan to take down HYDRA. But HYDRA has an ace up their sleeve that no one could have seen coming.
1. Chapter 1

This is the sequel to _Neighbors_ you should read that story first to be able to follow this one!

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Chapter 1

Natasha loosened her hold on Steve's shoulders and kissed his temple when she came down from her high. He was panting into her neck and pulled out of her. He moved his head and looked at her with a dopey grin on his face. She rolled her eyes at him and pulled his head down to kiss him. It was a lazy and soft kiss with them both being too spent after their second round of lovemaking tonight. Steve rolled on his back and tugged her against his chest.

"I'm so glad the world doesn't know how good Captain America is in bed. Women would kick the door in to have their wicked way with you." She said and looked up at Steve with a grin.

He snorted and cupped her ass with his hand. "I'm sure the Black Widow would protect me."

She moved up to lean over him. "I would, Steve." She answered with a serious tone. "I would do anything to protect you. I love you."

"I know." He smiled and it made her heart flutter. "I know, doll. And I love you, too." She closed her eyes and lowered her head to kiss him. She was grateful everyday that he forgave her and that she had him back. She didn't deserve him but she was too selfish to walk away. He wanted her in his life and she would give him anything he wanted. Anything. He kissed her back and she was more than ready to start round three when her stomach began to growl. They had skipped dinner and went straight to her bedroom. She had finally found a nice apartment near Steve's and moved in today. They wanted to celebrate and go out but never left the apartment. Making love to Steve seemed more important than food.

"Okay, time to eat." He gave her a short peck and sat up. "You got anything here?"

She shook her head. "No, I hadn't had the time to go to the grocery store yet. We could order something." She checked the time. It would take ages until the food would arrive.

Steve must have had the same thought. He moved to the edge of the bed and put his briefs on. "I'll just run quickly to the supermarket around the corner and get something for us. I'm sure they have stuff that we only have to heat up. You got a microwave right?"

She crawled over to him and kissed his shoulder."Yup." She wrapped her arms around his waist and moved her hand southward. Steve laughed and grabbed her wrist. "Stop that or I'll never leave this bed."

"That's sound like a great idea." She whispered into his ear and he seemed to think about staying in bed but then her stomach growled again. Traitor!

"I think that settles it then." He moved his head to kiss her and got out of bed. "I'll be back as quick as possible."

"Okay. I'll be waiting for you, babe. In bed, naked, thinking about you."

"That's not helping!" Steve groaned and left her bedroom. She laughed and took a sip of water.

Steve came back with rotisserie chicken, salads and chocolate sauce. They ate the chicken and salads at her kitchen table and then moved back to the bed where Steve licked the chocolate sauce off her body. She thanked the universe and Steve that she ended up in a place where Captain America was licking the chocolate sauce off between her legs.

* * *

"This meeting doesn't mean I'm rejoining SHIELD!" Steve said for the sixth time today. They were in DC on their way to meet with Fury at the Triskelion to talk about James and his future. He had offered her to call him Bucky but she thought that was more the name for a dog and decided to call him James. They needed SHIELD's help to get him amnesty. She hoped that it would work the same way as it had with her.

"I know that, Steve. No one's forcing you to come back." She parked the car in the garage of the Triskelion. She was still working for SHIELD but took a sabbatical to work on her relationship with Steve and to help him with James. And there was still the whole HYDRA thing that they were working on with Stark. Fury wanted them to dig into it so SHIELD wouldn't know about it in case it was infiltrated by HYDRA. "But we need SHIELD right now. We can't get James his freedom without Fury."

Steve nodded and took her hand. "I haven't seen Fury since the Belova thing. It's weird to see him again. Does he know we're back together?"

"I haven't told him directly but I think he put two and two together with me moving to New York and helping you with James." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I know you don't want to be here and I get it. And again I'm so sorry for lying to you."

He kissed her. "Hey, this is behind us. We moved on. I know you're sorry and I forgave you."

She nodded and kissed him again. God, he was so good to her. "Remember you're here for James. And once we're done and back at the hotel, I'll reward you." She winked at him and he gulped.

"Yeah? How?"

"How does a blowjob sound?"

He made a noise in the back of his throat. "...Great." She smirked at him and they got out of the car and walked to the elevator. Two agents were in it and stared at them with big eyes. She knew from Clint that rumors had been running wild after Steve quit and she was ordered to stay in London. Most agents seemed to suspect that something unprofessional happened between her and Captain America. Steve nodded at the agents and they left the elevator soon.

"I guess now everyone will know we're here." Steve said after they were alone.

"Yeah." She agreed and took a deep breath when they reached the top floor where Fury's office was. The last she had been here was when Steve found out who she really was. She had been so sure then that she lost him forever. Fury and Coulson were already waiting for them when they stepped into the office. They sat down in front of Fury's desk after Steve shook both Fury and Coulson's hands firmer than necessary.

"This is from LaTanya." Fury shoved a little basket over the desk. She peaked inside and spotted bath bombs, massage oils and a Kamasutra. She snorted and couldn't wait to read it with Steve.

Fury looked uncomfortable and she knew that he looked into the basket too. He coughed. "Thank you for coming, Captain Rogers. Romanoff explained to me more than once that you have no plans to come back to SHIELD."

"Correct."

"Well, maybe you'll change your mind one day." Fury said while looking at her. Would he use her to get Steve to rejoin SHIELD?

"We're here to talk about Bucky."

"Right." Coulson nodded. "What would Sergeant Barnes think about joining SHIELD? That way he can get the same protection that Natasha got after she deflected."

Steve opened his mouth but she was faster. "He's not ready to be back in the field."

"He doesn't have to be combat ready. Just be officially under SHIELD's wing and do the psychological evaluation and other tests. He needs to be under supervision if we want to get him amnesty from the DOJ. He can stay in New York for that."

"Who would be in charge of this?" She asked.

"Me." Coulson answered. She trusted him. He was the one who had helped Clint convince Fury to give her a chance. Steve looked at her and she nodded.

"I'll talk to Bucky about it." He eventually said. "I need you to promise me that you won't force him on missions. He's not a weapon anymore." He looked at Fury and Coulson.

Fury looked unhappy. "Fine. But if he wants to work for us, I will not stop him."

"Good." Steve stood up and looked at her.

"One second, I'll have to talk to Coulson and Fury. I'll be right with you." She handed him LaTanya's basket and he blushed. So he'd seen the Kamasutra. She hid her smirk and waited until Steve left the office. "You better keep your word. Barnes has been through enough. He can't be forced to be turned into a that thing again."

"We never forced you, Natasha." Coulson interjected.

"I know. I also know Nick is still pissed that SHIELD lost Captain America and Barnes is the next best thing. If you make Barnes do anything against his will, I will leave SHIELD as well."

Fury chuckled. "Love truly changes people. You have my word that we only want to help Barnes."

"Good." She stood up and smoothed her pencil skirt. "And tell LaTanya thank you for the basket. I'm sure we'll make the most of it."

"I don't need to know that." Fury groaned and she left with a smirk on her face. Steve was waiting for her outside and she took his hand. He looked surprised but squeezed her hand. Only top level agents had access to this floor and they wouldn't talk about it if they saw Captain America and Black Widow holding hands.

"So did you threaten Fury?" Steve asked with a grin when they entered the elevator.

"You make me sound like a psycho!" She laughed and ran her hand over his chest. "I just reminded him that my loyalty isn't with SHIELD anymore. It's with you."

"Natasha." He whispered. "I know what they did for you-"

"Yes and I will always be grateful for Coulson and Fury for that. But they're not my home. You are. You help me become the person I could be if the Red Room never happened."

He cupped her cheek and was about to say something when the doors opened and Hill walked into the elevator. "Hi." She grinned and told the AI to take her to the armory.

"I love you." Steve whispered when they were alone again and she smiled. She would never get tired of hearing it. Never. She waited until they were in the car to tell him that she loved him too.

Back in their hotel room she dropped to her knees to give Steve his reward and then later they tried a few things from the Kamasutra with him commenting that he was glad that she was so flexible. She laughed and turned the pages until she found something she wanted to try next. She was glad as well that he was very agil and strong. She briefly wondered how people without their training and serums managed to try these positions but that thought left her mind the minute he lifted her of the bed with only her hands on the mattress and pushed back into her.

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 _Holy cow! Wow, I never imagined so many responses when I asked if people were interested in a second part! That really blew my mind! So here it is. I hope you'll like the second part of this journey! Let me know what you think!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for your reviews, faves and follows!_

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Chapter 2

"Hey."

James looked up at her leaning against the door frame of his apartment at Stark's tower. It was a nice apartment but it was still noticeable that it was also a cell. The doors were reinforced and the windows unbreakable. If James had a set back, he wouldn't get out of here. "I got you a burger and fries. I didn't know which one is your favorite so I picked Steve's."

"Thanks." He took the bag out of her hands and put it on his coffee table. "Can't go wrong with a bacon cheeseburger." He gave her a small smile and took a bite out of the burger.

"Have you talked to Steve yet?" She sat down on the arm chair facing the couch. " About what SHIELD is offering?"

"Yeah, he came by yesterday." He pushed the bag with fries in the middle of the table and she took some out. "What's SHIELD agenda? What do they want from me?"

She swallowed the fries. "Well, first and foremost they want to take out the threat. The Winter Soldier. And Fury would probably love it if you would work for him one day. He always wants to have the upper hand against our enemies. But I also believe that they want to help you. Fury has an agenda, he always does but Coulson is a good man. He wants to help people, that's why he joined SHIELD. He helped me. I think he can help you."

"You trust him?"

"Yes."

He looked at her and then nodded. She watched him while he finished his burger. He looked better now. His dark circles were gone and he wasn't so skinny anymore. He had been muscular when she and Steve had found him but he didn't look like they had fed him well. Missions had been always more important than a full stomach. Back in the Red Room they had only gotten bread and water if they had done their assignments well. It was kind of a miracle that she survived the Red Room with all that torture and so little food and water.

"How are you?"

James looked up. "Fine."

She chuckled lightly. "I'm not Steve. You don't have to lie to make me feel better. How are you?"

"Where is he by the way? He's usually with you when you visit." That was true. Steve was worried that James could have a set back and would attack her so he always came with her.

"He's got a thing with the major and I wanted to talk to you in private." She gave him a sad smile. "I know what you're going through. You can talk to me. I won't judge you, James."

He rubbed his forehead and leaned back against the couch. His eyes were restless and she knew that look. He was haunted by his past. "I'm okay. Most of the time. I feel like I'm in control. But there is always this fear that I turn back into that _thing._ I just...Steve told me countless times that it's not my fault but-"

"You still did it." She knew what he was talking about. It had been her who had pulled the trigger or slit their throats, it didn't matter that she had been brainwashed. It was still her who had done it.

"Yeah. All their faces are blurred. I killed so many people that I can't even remember their faces. And at night...I have nightmares every night. I'm not screaming anymore but it's...the first moment after I wake up...I think I'm him again." He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. It was like looking into a mirror. "I can't remember their faces."

"You will." James opened his eyes and stared at her. "You will remember eventually. That's going to be the worst part. You'll remember their faces and their names and how satisfied you felt when you killed them. I know I did. I remembered every kill once my programming completely wore off. You have to keep telling yourself that that was a different person. That you are different now."

"You believe that?"

"Sometimes. Steve helps a lot with that." She smiled a little.

James did too. "Yeah, he does."

She stayed the whole afternoon to let James talk and listened to him. She knew that there were things that he couldn't tell Steve because no matter how hard he tried he would never understand it. And she was so glad that he didn't but she did. She and James both knew what it was like to be turned into weapons, only to be used and then tossed aside until they were needed again. It would take time until James could move in into the second bedroom at Steve's place.

* * *

Steve was staying the night and she tried to cook for him and bless him as he pretended to like her food but one bite of her own told her that she overcooked the steak and the potatoes were still raw in the middle.

"I'm sorry, Steve."

He shoved another piece of meat into his mouth. "No, it's good." She would almost believe him if she didn't try her food herself or didn't see how he had problems to chew the steak.

"I know it's bad. You don't have to lie, babe." She got up and took his plate away. He looked like he wanted to protest but she glared at him and he stopped. "I know you love me but you don't have to eat this." She walked with the plate in the kitchen and threw the food away. She was such a failure. She couldn't even make her boyfriend a home-cooked meal. She shoved the plate forcefully into the sink and could be glad that it didn't break. She didn't want to explain that to Steve. She was already embarrassed enough.

Strong arms were circling her waist and Steve pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "What's wrong, Natasha?"

She covered his hands with her own and leaned back against his chest. "Nothing."

"Nat, it's no big deal."

She turned in his arms to face him. "Yes, it is. I invite you over for dinner and then I can't even make you one! I should be able to cook for my boyfriend! This is what normal couples do."

He kissed her temple. "Next time we'll cook together. It'll be fun. And it doesn't matter that dinner was a bit...chewy. I don't care about that. I only care about you. As long as I get to spend time with you, it's the perfect date night."

Of course he thought like that. "I don't deserve you."

"Stop saying that." He tilted her head up and kissed her softly like he had done when he had kissed her on his birthday for the first time. "You are a good person and I love you. And I know this is not about dinner."

"I went to see James yesterday." She admitted and then had to kiss Steve again because he was her everything. "I was reminded about the person I used to be. About the things I did. You wouldn't have loved that person."

"That wasn't you. You had no free will." He cupped her face in his big warm hands. She loved his hands. "You think Bucky is responsible for everything the Winter Soldier did?"

"No, but I-"

"No buts, doll." He captured her lips in a passionate kiss that made her knees weak. "I know you. I read your file. You're my Natasha and I love you."

Her heart fluttered like it did every time he told her that he loved her. "I lied to you for months..."

"And you felt bad about it and you apologized. That just proves that you are a good person, Nat. And not everything was a lie. Your feelings for me weren't." She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest. She still felt guilty for causing him so much pain when he had found out that she wasn't Natalie Rushman. He rested his chin on her head and rubbed his hands over her back. "So, I've been meaning to ask you-" She looked up at him. "Am I allowed to shave my beard off? Get a new hair cut?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. He knew exactly how much she loved his beard and longer hair. "Don't you dare, Rogers! Or I'm withholding sex!"

He laughed and she smiled at him loving him even more for distracting her from her dark thoughts. He was truly the light chasing away her nightmares. She dug her hands in his beard and tugged on it causing him to laugh even more. God, how she loved that man.

All the good restaurants were booked and they ended up at Taco Bell. They walked back holding hands and much to her amusement Steve ripped her panties apart and pushed her against the door the minute they stepped into her apartment. She was glad that she was wearing a dress or he would have ripped her pants too.

He let her down after he rocked her world and when she was sure that her legs were working again and tried to catch her breath. She just hoped no neighbors had walked through the hallway or they would have heard quite a show, Steve pretty much fucked her through the door. She looked down and saw that her eager boyfriend ruined the neckline of her dress. She raised an eyebrow at him and he gave her a boyish grin.

"I still think I'll get rid of the beard. I don't think you'll be able to withhold sex. Judging by the sounds you just made." He smirked and cupped her breast over the fabric of her dress.

Fine, two could play that game. "Are you sure, babe?" She brushed her hand over his length and he groaned. "Good night." She removed her hand and walked to her bedroom and closed the door behind her. She got out of her bra, dress and high heels and slid under the blankets.

"Nat?" She heard Steve from the hallway and his footsteps were getting closer. "Nat? Are you really tired? We usually make love at least twi-" He opened the door and she closed her eyes. "Are you really sleeping?"

"Yup."

"I won't shave my beard. I promise."

She opened her eyes and smirked. "Then come to bed, Captain."


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you for your reviews, faves and follows!_

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Chapter 3

"I'm sorry that Sam was a dick to you." Steve said to her after they walked into his apartment. She had seen Sam for the first time today since her cover was blown and he hadn't been really nice to her. He was in town to help with James and to see Steve. And he was pissed because of all the pain she had caused his friend. Not that she could blame him, it was the biggest regret of her life.

"No, it's okay." She shrugged her coat off and slipped out of her boots. "He's your friend and he has your back. And I lied to him, too."

Steve played with her hair. "And you apologized to him and I hope he gets over it." He gave her a gentle kiss. "You want a tea?"

"Yes, please." She kissed him again and followed him into his kitchen. They've had quite the day today. Coulson talked to James and then later Sam did and Phil wasn't willing to clear James. He still wanted to bring in more specialists to find his hidden triggers. Steve was disappointed that his best friend was still stuck at Stark's tower but she hadn't been surprised. It had taken seven months until she was allowed to leave the Triskelion and they had found James only three months ago.

Steve was with his back to her putting the water kettle on. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him between his shoulder blades. "How are you?"

He placed his hands over hers. "I'm okay. I was hoping that Bucky would be able to leave the tower soon but I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

She turned him around and cupped his face. "It will take time. I spent over half a year at SHIELD until I was allowed to set a foot outside. Maybe he can leave sooner, he has someone. You. I didn't have that. It took me ages until I started to trust Clint. I was always waiting for him to kill me. James trusts you, he is also doing this for you."

He rested his forehead against hers. "I'm so sorry this happened to you."

"I'm not."

He looked confused. "I'm not because everything that has happend to he has led me to you." She clarified. "Of course, I wish I hadn't killed so many people but everything else...Everything happens for a reason."

"I would have found you." He kissed her deeply. "No matter what life you would've led, I would have found you."

"I love you, Steve."

He gave her that special smile he only had for her and her heart was fluttering. "And I love you."

He made her a tea and later joined her for some fun in the bathtub. And Steve, the gentleman, didn't even ask her to help him clean the bathroom floor but she did it anyways.

Later that night they were laying on their sides facing each other in his bed while a thunderstorm was brewing outside. She was snuggled into one of his hoodies (she had a feeling that Steve was aware that she had already stolen three of his hoodies) and he had his hand on her waist. She traced her finger over his face and admired his beauty. She knew he thought otherwise but he had always been beautiful, even before the serum. She'd seen the pictures, he had been very cute and the girls (aside from Peggy Carter) had been complete morons. She felt angry for him when he had told her about his first time. It had been with his neighbor who as it turned out just had wanted to lose her virginity and never looked at Steve again. Apparently she thought that she would have a better chance with James if she wasn't a virgin. She never told him about how she had lost her virginity. It would have made him punch a wall or worse. She pushed those memories back and focused on his face.

"Were your lashes always this long?"

Steve opened his eyes. "Huh?"

"Were they always this long or is it because of the serum?"

"No, they were always like this."

"Lucky bastard." She pouted and he leaned closer to kiss her. "My mascara costs 40$ and my lashes don't look like yours."

"You pay forty bucks for a mascara?" His hand on her waist pulled her closer to him. "And your lashes are perfect. Everything about you is perfect." He kissed every spot of her face and neck and declared them perfect afterwards. His hands cupped her breasts. "And those are...proof that God exists."

She laughed a full belly laugh and Steve looked at her with a sheepish grin. "You're such a man!" He kissed her with teeth and tongue and soon got her out of his hoodie.

"I'll show you how much of a man I am!" He smirked and kissed his way down her body. Her laughter soon turned into throaty moans.

* * *

She was standing in front of her dresser the next morning picking out clothes for the day. Soon after they had found Bucky and returned with him to New York and got back together she had asked Steve if she could have a drawer at his place so she didn't have to bring a bag every time she stayed the night. And then the next time she had been over, Steve had proudly showed her the dresser he had bought for her. He was just the best.

She was a bit nervous because today was the first day of her cooking class. She signed up for them after the whole overcooked steak disaster with a fake name. She didn't tell Steve that she used his last name. She didn't want him to freak out. It was still too soon to even talk about the possibility of marriage. But she would lie if she said that she didn't like the idea of becoming his wife one day. She got underwear, jeans and a turtleneck out and changed into them. Steve was done with making breakfast when she came into the kitchen.

He kissed her temple and handed her a coffee. "You look very pretty, Nat."

She smiled at him and sat down. He always complimented her, whether it was about the way she looked or something she did. And she loved him for it. She had the suspicion that Steve showered her in compliments because he knew that she didn't get any of them in her youth. "Thanks, babe. Breakfast looks great!" It really did. He made eggs Benedict and she dug right in. She had to recharge after the night they had. She was almost jealous that he had enough energy to go on his morning run but him leaving also meant that she didn't had to share the blankets.

"Are you excited about your cooking class?"

"Yeah, a bit. You think I'll get extra points because I know which knifes kill people the easiest?"

Steve shook his head smiling. "I wouldn't mention it within the first ten minutes."

She grinned. "Noted. Are you going to James with Sam again?"

"Yeah. Sam leaves today and it's best if he has a session with Buck again. I think Sam not being a psychiatrist helps him to open up."

She nodded. "Tell James I say hi. And Sam."

"I'll talk to Sam aga-"

"No, don't. He had every right to be mad. I deserved his bitchiness."

"Nat-"

"It's fine. It really is."

He looked at her carefully and nodded. "Okay, but I will still say something if he crosses a line."

Steve walked her to the culinary school and gifted her with an apron with her first name stitched on it. That earned him a french kiss right outside the school and she watched him walk to the subway station with pink cheeks. He was okay with hand holding or short kisses but he was a bit uncomfortable with too much PDA like shoving her tongue into his mouth but she just loved to tease him.

Her first day at culinary school was good. People from all kinds of backgrounds were attending and she wasn't the only young person here who had no idea how to cook. She just said that she wanted to expend her horizon when she was asked why she signed up and not because she wanted to learn how to cook for her boyfriend. She didn't want to sound like a 50s housewife. They started with learning how to properly cut vegetables and meat and as it turned out assassins were really good at cutting onions. Her teacher complimented her cutting skills more than once. She just smiled and thanked her and didn't mention how many people she had killed with just a knife. After the class ended she went with two other women to a cafe for some coffee and muffins. One was in her sixties and the other girl was still in college and Natasha told them that she had a government job and that her boyfriend was a veteran when she was asked about her love life. Both answers were technically true. She felt normal talking with these women and she couldn't wait to tell Steve that she did something normal today. She bought a few more muffins for her boyfriend and walked back to her apartment to look into HYDRA. So far they didn't have much and couldn't really prove its existence. A description from James kind of fitted Rumlow but when she had showed him a picture he couldn't ID him because the faces were still blurry in his head. The only thing they had was that James confirmed that the organization he had been forced to work for was HYDRA and that Armin Zola had been there when he had woken up after his fall in the Alps.

It was already late evening and Steve wasn't here yet like he had promised but she figured that James was having a good day and they were reminiscing about old times or maybe talking about her. She was really flattered every time when James commented that she was way out of Steve's league when they visited him together. Not that it was true but it was still nice to hear. She got hungry and stole one of Steve's muffins but how would he know that she bought four for him and not three.

She shut her laptop and stretched her limps. She found a few cases that were worth looking into and sent them to Stark so JARVIS could dig deeper. She was a great hacker but the AI was just better. She was just thinking about changing into some nice lingerie to surprise Steve when he knocked on her door. It could only be him. She quickly got up and stormed to the door to let him in and to talk with him about her first day at culinary school.

"Oh God, what happend to you?" She gasped when she saw him. Rage was boiling inside her. He had a black eyes, bruised cheek and a chipped lip. "Who did this to you?!" She barked and let Steve in.

"Bucky."

"What?"

He walked to her couch and plopped down. He looked at her with tears in his eyes and she rushed to his side to hug him. "He was fine. Talked to Sam and I and then Sam left and we were alone and he suddenly snapped and attacked me. I don't know...It happened so fast. One minute he was Bucky and then the next he was _him._ I tried to calm him, snap him out of it but he wouldn't listen and just kept punching me. I managed to shake him off and left the room so JARVIS could release the narcotic gas. Bucky was inconsolable when he woke up. I spent the last four hours reassuring him that it was okay and that I forgive him."

"How is he now?"

"Restless. Seemed like he wanted to be anywhere but with me." Steve said quietly and she laid down on the couch and pulled him on top of her with his head on her chest so she could ran her fingers through his hair.

"Those setbacks are normal and can be triggered by anything. One time one of the psychiatrist wore a blouse similar to one Madam B used to wear and I attacked her and almost rammed her hair pin into her neck if Clint hadn't burst in and shot me with an ICER." Steve looked up at her with sadness. "I know this is not what you want to hear but it's actually a good sign. It means that he's on his way to recovery. One day he will be in control every second of the day."

"I don't know what I would do without you, Nat. Do you have any idea how much you help me? And Bucky?" He moved his head and pressed a kiss on her collar bone. "You just help me deal with this so much. I don't think I could do this without you."

She kissed the top of her head. "We're in this together, Steve. I think...It's good that I can help someone with my experience. I'll talk to James tomorrow. He's already doing so much better than I did. I killed four SHIELD agents in my first weeks at the Triskelion. One of them had a pregnant wife. I'm the reason that child will never know their father." Neither Fury or Coulson had ever told her about it, she had found out on her own and spent two days on her bathroom floor staring at the ceiling. She had wanted to turn over a new leaf and then murdered a young father-to-be. She was a monster.

"Hey." Steve moved and was leaning over her now. "Don't do this to yourself. That wasn't your fault just like Bucky beating me wasn't his fault."

She nodded because she had dwelt enough on her past for today and focused on Steve. He loved her, she was a good person now. He loved her. "Do you need ice for your face?"

He shook his head. "No, I just wanna go to bed and hold you in my arms."

She smiled a little and kissed him softly. "Anything for you, my love."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Natasha visited James every day in the following week to talk about his setback and to share her experiences with him. She had to report the incident to Coulson who as always reacted calmly and said that he would send Dr. Garner who had already worked with her after she joined SHIELD. He would arrive in the next week to talk to James. She was positive that he could help him. Garner had helped her a lot. She knew that Steve wasn't a fan of it but she insisted that she would be alone with James during their conversations so he could open up without feeling ashamed because Steve was listening. She met Steve on the gym floor every day after her talk with his best friend. Sparring with Steve was one of her favorite things and she was so happy that she could finally see his work out routine with her own two eyes. Watching him hitting those punching bags was basically porn. Their first sparring sessions a few weeks ago had ended with them furiously making out in the boxing ring until Tony had "accidentally" walked in. She was pretty sure that JARVIS had given him a heads up even though he denied that. They would have definitely had sex on that training mat if Tony hadn't interrupted them. Hell, maybe that was the reason he had walked in on them. Her favorite part of working out with Steve ,aside from taking a shower together afterwards, was that when she was done with her work out she sat down on his back while he was doing push ups. Her weight didn't bother him at all and he did his 1000 push ups without any problems.

She had a tally counter in her hand counting his push ups. "So Clint's undercover op should be over next week."

Steve was pushing himself off the ground. "And how do you know that?" He asked amused.

"We have our ways." She smirked to herself and pinched his ass with her free hand making him laugh. "Do you want to meet him?"

"I already know Barton."

"Yeah, but not as my best friend. And you've never met him as my boyfriend." This was normal people did, right? Introduced their boyfriend to their best friend. "You're at 756."

"Yes, of course I wanna meet Clint. You're right, we never met with you as our connection. We could invite him over for dinner at my place."

"You're cooking?"

He laughed. "Yeah, and you can cut the food."

"Deal."

He did the other 244 push ups and then followed her into the showers for some fun.

Stark was already waiting for them in his lab and they went together over the cases she had found. Tony happened to have to leave for Europe soon and he said that he wanted to check out two locations that could potentially be HYDRA bases. Steve wanted to come with him but they all agreed that it was better if the public or HYDRA didn't know that Captain America and Iron Man were buddies. So far no one knew that the Winter Soldier was at Stark Tower because HYDRA would have already come for him if they knew. They said bye to James and then returned to Brooklyn. Steve wanted to cook for her (she only had two more classes so far and only knew how to make pesto and steam vegetables) and they went to the grocery store and bought everything he needed for his mom's casserole.

She was halfway in the freezer to get her favorite ice cream out while Steve was getting the grounded beef. She wondered if he would let her lick the ice cream off his abs.

"Miss Rogers?"

She almost ignored it but she recognized the voice as her teacher's. She crawled out of the freezer. "Oh, hi. Fancy seeing you here."

"Likewise." Miss Roberts smiled. "I wish I could say I could make better ice cream than Ben&Jerry's but that would be a lie."

Steve was suddenly standing next to her with the meat and some other ingredients. She hoped that he hadn't heard how her teacher called her Miss Rogers. "Hi, I'm Steve. Natasha's boyfriend." He offered Miss Roberts his hand.

She shook it but didn't seem to recognize him. His longer hair and beard really helped him be incognito. "Nice to me you. I'll see you on Friday, Natasha. My husband is waiting for me over there. Have a nice evening."

She nodded and watched her leave. "Natasha _Rogers,_ huh?" Steve looked at her with a smirk. Fuck, he heard them. "It does have nice ring to it, doesn't it?" He winked and walked to the register. She ignored how wildly her heart was beating in her chest at his implication that he wouldn't mind if she would be Natasha Rogers one day and followed him. It really did have nice ring to it.

She convinced Steve the next day to go with her to Coney Island because she'd never been and it was such a nice spring day. They had a blast there and tried every ride out. Steve won her a stuffed animal and this time she kept the little panda. In the subway on their way back to Brooklyn he shielded her from the other passengers pressing her into a corner and gave her short kisses from time to time that made her ache for more. They stumbled through her apartment when they came back and ended up on her kitchen table. And they found out that IKEA kitchen tables were not build for Captain America fucking her on top of it. The table broke and they landed on the kitchen floor. They laughed so hard that they had tears in their eyes and Steve lifted her up with him still inside of her and walked to her bedroom where the bed proofed to be more stable and he continued to make her body sing.

She was laying on her stomach basking in the after glow of an amazing orgasm and looked at Steve. He seemed really proud with the fact that he broke her kitchen table.

"You think I can return the table?"

He moved closer and pressed kisses on her back. "I'll buy you a new one. I don't want to know what you'll tell the people at the store."

She rolled onto her back and grinned up at him. "I'll tell them that Captain America fucked me so hard on it that the table broke. Maybe they should add a warning to the instructions. Not suitable for sex with super soldiers."

He rolled his eyes at her and kissed her. Soon their kisses grew deeper and they started round two.

Afterwards they were both panting and looking at the ceiling. "Thank you for taking me to Coney Island today." She looked over to him.

"Technically it was your idea, doll." He took her hand and pressed a kiss on the back of it.

She huffed a laugh. "Then thank your for my panda." Speaking of which, where was it? Probably somewhere in the hallway with the rest of their clothes.

"You're welcome." He moved to lay on his side and cupped her cheek with one big hand. "You already got a name for him?"

She tilted her head and kissed his wrist. "I think I'll name him Roger."

He smiled and pulled her against his chest where she fell asleep with his heartbeat as her lullaby.

* * *

The next days consisted of them visiting James, meetings with Stark and spending the evenings together. She made Steve pasta with homemade pesto and the way he eagerly complimented her dish earned him a blowjob right at kitchen table. She didn't think a lot of guys massaged their girlfriends' necks while getting head but sweet Steve did and kneaded the knots in her muscles away while she pleasured him with her mouth. He was truly one of a kind. He looked like he wanted to debauch her on the kitchen table but she led him to her bedroom. One broken kitchen table per month was enough.

Clint's op would take a little longer but he let her know through one of their secured channels that he was looking forward to have dinner with her and Steve and couldn't wait to tell her boyfriend every embarrassing story about her that he could think of. Steve took her to a second hand book store one afternoon and while she was putting more and more books on her pile (she had no shame, the books were cheap and she knew that Steve would carry them for her so she didn't hold back) he came up behind her and whispered into her ear that he couldn't wait to go home so she could sit on his face. She forgot the books and dragged Steve to her apartment so he could put action into his words. She loved to sleep with him but she almost loved the cuddling afterwards more when they were entangled in each other and Steve told her about his childhood and mother. She wanted to know everything about Sarah Rogers because she knew that she was the main reason that Steve was so kind and loving. She wished she could tell Steve something about her own parents but she remembered almost nothing about them. She thought that she had her red hair from her father and the same eye color as her mother but she couldn't be sure. She had been five when the Red Room took her and she never found out what happened to her parents. They had been probably been killed. She sometimes even wondered if her few memories of her parents were even real of if they had been planted by the Red Room.

They were on their sides facing each other and Steve was playing with her hair. "My mother would have loved you." He smiled softly and tugged lightly on the strain of hair.

She had a hard time believing that because she was hardly the kind of woman a mother would want for her son but Steve would never lie to her. "Really?"

He scooted closer and kissed her. "Of course. She would see with one look how happy you make me and would welcome you with open arms. She only wanted me to be happy. And healthy."

The next morning he got paper and pencil out and asked her if she wanted him to draw her parents for her. Touched by his offer she sat down on his lap and described her parents to him as much as possible. An hour later he was done and seeing her parents and rather seeing what she thought her parents had looked like made her cry and she buried her face in the crook of his neck and he wrapped his arms around her and let her weep for her parents until no more tears were left.

"I'm sorry." She sobbed into his neck. She hated crying. She never let anyone see her cry before Steve.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm sorry you lost your parents so early." He rubbed his hand over her back and it amazed her every time how soothing Steve's presence was to her. "I know nothing can replace them but I'll always be there for you, Nat. I'm your family if you let me."

She moved her head to look at him. She probably looked like a mess after bawling her eyes out but he only looked at her with love and devotion in his eyes. Steve said he was her family, she smiled a little because of that. "Yes, I'm your family, too."

Two days later she knocked on his door with a duffel bag on her shoulder. She already knew that he wouldn't like what she was going to tell him. Steve opened the door with a smile on his face and let her in after he kissed her.

"You brought more stuff for your dresser?" He asked and was about to take the bag from her. He was always teasing her about the amount of clothes she had but he didn't seem to mind that she constantly bought new lingerie (partly because he ripped her out of it on a regular base).

She shook her head. "No. I have to work." Steve's face fell and she ignored the peng of guilt in her chest. Sitwell let her know that she had to leave for Europe tonight to take out a dictator in an East European country that most Americans never heard about. She felt honored that Secretary Pierce wanted only her for the mission. "I'll just wanted to see you in person before I have to leave."

"What's your mission?"

"You know I can't tell you. "

He nodded slowly. "Should I call Fury and tell him I want to come with you?"

Was that Fury's agenda? Send her on a mission to make Steve rejoin SHIELD? "No, don't do that. It's an easy job. I'll take the target out and in two or three days I'm back and we can have dinner with Clint."

"Okay, be careful." He hugged her and she let the duffel bag drop. She didn't want to leave. She'd rather spend the weekend with Steve in his warm and comfy bed making love and listening to his stories than hide in the shadows until she could kill her target but the job was sometimes more important than her private life and her target was a terrible man who deserved to die. Steve kissed her until she was dizzy and she was really tempted to take a later flight to let him take her to bed.

"I love you, Natasha."

She kissed him again. "I love you, too. I'll be back before you know it." She picked her duffel bag up and gave him another kiss because she was addicted to him. "I'll see you in two days." She smiled and Steve walked her to the elevator and she waved at him until the doors closed. She would have never left his embrace if she had known what would happen next.


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you for your reviews, faves and follows._

* * *

Chapter 5

Natasha left a day ago and he already missed her terribly. He had no idea where she was and what she was doing. His sheets smelled like her and he buried his face in the pillows and fell asleep dreaming about his girl. He got up the next morning missing the way she usually growled when he asked her sheepishly if she wanted to join him on his morning run and would watch her roll herself into a tiny blanket burrito. She was either still in bed when he came back and he joined her to make love to her or she was already up making breakfast for them. She wasn't a great cook but she knew how to make scrambled eggs and toast.

She was gone for four days now and he hoped that her mission would be over soon. He missed her more than words could describe. It was especially hard during the nights when he was alone in bed and Natasha wasn't tugged against his chest making those cute little noises in her sleep that she flat out denied every time he teased her about it. The bed was cold without her. He ran a hand through his beard and grinned when he thought about all the colorful threats she made (most of them were her saying she would stop sleeping with him) if he shaved it off. It was no secret that he only kept the beard to make her happy. What did Bucky call him? Right, he was whipped. But what his girl wanted, his girl would get. And he loved it when she whispered into his ear how nice his beard felt against the inside of her thighs and then pushed his head downwards with a husky chuckle. He looked over to his nightstand where a framed picture of Natasha was. He had taken it of her at Coney Island and printed it out as soon as he got home (after he had bought her a new kitchen table because he broke her old one). She hadn't been looking into the camera but at him and her eyes were full of love and affection. The way she looked at him always took his breath away. How could he have ever doubted that her feelings for him had been a lie? He shook his head, that part of their lives was over and they moved on.

Natasha was now gone for a week and he was really worried. She would probably kick his ass when she came home and he told her that he had been worried about her. Barton didn't seem to share the sentiment when he called him and only told Steve that she probably needed time to get close enough to her target. He wanted to believe Clint since he had worked with Natasha but he couldn't shake the feeling that something went wrong. He didn't know the nature of the mission, he was only sure that it was an assassination since that was her specialty. He knew how great she was at her job, he had seen her in action when they had been looking for Bucky and she took down Rumlow and Belova with a bullet in her shoulder but he still worried about her. A man needed to know that his girl was safe.

He made his way to Tony's lab after he had visited Bucky. He had to ask him for a favor but he already knew that Tony would be more than happy to do it.

Tony was working on his suit when he walked into his lab. "I need you to hack into SHIELD's database."

His eyes lit up. "Finally! I've been bugging you for months for that and you always said no. What changed your mind?"

"Natasha."

"Still haven't heard from her?"

He shook his head and tried not to think about all the things that could have happened to her since he had last seen her. "Something's up and I need to know what. Fury doesn't return my calls."

"You think that pirate set her up?"

That thought had crossed his mind but he didn't think so. Fury's wife had told him that Natasha was like a daughter to them and he knew from Coulson that she was Fury's favorite. "No, but I know that he doesn't tell me everything."

Tony nodded. "Okay, Jarvis hack your way into SHIELD and find out what happen to Cap's girl."

"Yes, sir."

Ten minutes later they found out that Natasha was sent to Latveria to take out Dr. Doom by Pierce's orders. Steve was surprised that Pierce was behind it and not Fury but his heart sank when he read that Natasha never made it into the country. Her last contact with SHIELD had been five days ago when she had been in Hungary and SHIELD tried to contact her ever since.

Tony was looking at the screen reading the file. "Why did they send no one to check on her? Shouldn't be that Barton guy already in East Europe looking for her?"

"I don't think he knows that she's MIA." Clint was her best friend, he would go after her if he knew that she hadn't check in with SHIELD. God, what if she needed him? How was he supposed to find her? "We have to find her!"

Tony nodded. "Already looking for her and I'm messing with Fury's communications until he talks to us. If anyone knows more it's him." He squeezed his shoulder. "Don't worry, we'll get her home. Red saved my life once, I'll owe her."

He nodded absently and read more about her mission. He still didn't get what Pierce had to do with it. Tony promised to call him as soon as he had more intel and Steve left the tower. He ended up at Natasha's apartment and used the key she had given him to get inside. He tried calling her cell but of course she didn't pick up. Maybe he was worrying for nothing and she just went off the grid to finish her mission without being made. He went to her bedroom and laid down on her bed tugging Roger against his chest. The sheets still smelled like her. His phone buzzed and he picked it up with the hopes that it was his beautiful girl telling him to stop being a worrywart and that she was on her way back to him telling him to wait naked in her bed. She had sent him such a text once after she was done with her cooking class. But it was a text from Fury that made him panic.

 _Pierce sent Romanoff without my knowledge on that mission. I ordered Barton to reach out to her but she doesn't respond._

He felt like someone punched him in the gut. Something bad had happened to her. He just knew it. And he would do anything to get her back. He got up to get back to the tower where Fury wanted to meet him.

* * *

Natasha woke up on the floor of a cell. She was mad at herself for getting captured. The last thing she remembered was that something stung her in the neck. It had been probably a sedative dart. She couldn't believe her cover had been made before she even set foot into Latveria. Was there a mole in SHIELD or did someone recognize her? A lot of former KGB members lived in East Europe, maybe she got on the radar of one of them. She looked around but the cell had no windows and she couldn't hear anything when she pressed her ear to the door. She had no idea where she was or how long she'd been out. Hours, maybe even days. She just hoped she would keep her promise to Steve that she would be back in two or three days. She looked around but the cell was completely empty. No cot, no nothing. She had nothing to use as a weapon except her body. She sat down opposite the door and waited. It would be unwise to attack if someone came in since she had no idea who she was dealing with. Hopefully someone would come soon to check on her so she could find out who the fuck took her and how she could make them pay.

She had no idea how long she waited. She was thirsty and hungry and she had no way to tell if it was night or day. The lamp at the ceiling was flickering and it hurt her eyes. She should have turned down the mission. That way she would have been still in New York and in Steve's arms. God, she just hoped he had no idea that something had happened to her so he wouldn't worry too much. Because he didn't need to worry, she would find a way out of here. She always did.

She heard footsteps behind the door and got up from the ground slipping into her Black Widow persona to manipulate whoever would walk into her cell. The door got unlocked and she had to squint her eyes to make out the person coming in because the light in the hallway was so bright. Either they were underground or it was night.

"Hello, Natalia." It was a woman's voice and she sounded surprisingly soft. "I've waited decades for this moment."

She blinked her eyes and she could finally see the face of the woman. No, that...That was not possible. She...She was dead... How was she here now? "Mama?"

"Yes, Talia. It's me. I have so many plans for you."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

So she got her red hair from her mother. Was that woman even her mother? Was that really Oksana Romanova in front of her? And if it really was her, where the fuck had she been in the last 25 years? And why did she kidnap her? And why now?

"I assume you have a lot of questions, Talia."

"Don't call me that!" She snarled and weighed her options. Should she attack her? Could she attack her? "Where am I?"

"Home."

Steve was her home and he wasn't here. "Where the fuck am I?"

"Moscow. And don't use that language with me! I'm your mother!"

She snorted. "I highly doubt that."

"We have the same eyes and hair color, what more do you need as proof?"

"Hair dye and colored contact lenses."

The woman sighed. "Oh, Talia. I really am your mother." She walked out of the cell and let the door open. "Come, you must be starving. Let's have some dinner and we can talk."

She had never been so confused in her life. The woman looked like her mother but there were so many ways to accomplish that. God, what was going on? She wished for nothing more than for Steve to be here. She needed him right now.

She walked out and followed her through the hallway until they stopped in a room that reminded her of the old Russia before the communism. Gold and expensive wood were everywhere and her breath got caught in her throat when she saw the symbol over the fireplace. HYDRA. HYDRA took her. And if that woman was truly her mother then she worked for HYDRA. Did she let them take her all those years ago? Did the Red Room belong to HYDRA? What the fuck was going on? And why was she here? She eyed her _mother_ and then went straight to the minibar and grabbed the vodka bottle and two glasses. She had to earn that woman's trust.

"You want a drink?"

Her _mother_ nodded. "Yes, please." She sat down at a table and a waiter came in steaks and asparagus. What was this place? "Sit down, Talia. Let's eat and talk."

Natasha placed one glass in front of her and filled her glass. "What's your name?"

"Oksana Alianovna Romanova." She answered immediately. "My maiden name was Petrovna as you know."

"What happened to my father?"

"He's dead." _Mother_ said emotionless.

"Did you love him?" She didn't think she would ever recover if Steve'd die. She'd be broken forever.

"No." She smiled at that. "But you already figured that, haven't you?"

"Why should I believe that you're my mother?"

"Because I am. No one will ever love you as much as I do. _No one!"_ She put emphasis on that and Natasha knew that HYDRA knew about her relationship with Steve. "We can do a DNA test if you want to. Doesn't take long. We have the brightest minds working for us."

Funny, Fury said the same about his scientists. She gulped the vodka down. "If you're really my mother, why didn't you come for me? Why didn't you save me?" She didn't think that Sarah Rogers would have let happen something like this to her son. Hell, LaTanya (the closest thing she had to a mother) had once yelled at Fury for forgetting Natasha's meds at SHIELD and made him drive back to the Triskelion at 2 am because she wouldn't have been able to sleep without her medication.

Oksana, she decided to call her that, gave her a puzzled look. "Why should I have come for you, my child? I'm the one who suggested you for the program. I saw your potential! The Red Room turned you into a legend! And now you're ready to work for us. To lead us one day!"

She knew in that moment that it was really her mother who was sitting in front of her. Wow, her life was even more messed up than she could have ever imagined. "Did you kill па́па?"

"Not directly. He tried to save you when Karpov came for you and he killed him. Your father was weak!" She sounded disgusted. "You and I are strong! We are the same!"

"Are you a Black Widow?"

"No. Your grandfather was HYDRA and I grew up with it. You probably already figured out that the Red Room was a part of HYDRA." She smiled. "We are everywhere. Even in SHIELD."

"Who?"

Oksana grinned. "You'll find out soon enough. But look at you. You've grown into such a beautiful and lethal woman. I'm so proud of you. Even though you deflected but that might work in our favor."

"My loyalty is with SHIELD."

"No, your loyalty has and will always be with HYDRA." She gave her a smile that made her uneasy like there was something that Natasha didn't know. "You're HYDRA's future. The Red Room was necessary to prepare you for your legacy."

"Are you the current leader?"

Oksana shook her head. "No, Baron Von Strucker is." She was surprised that she gave that name up so easily. "I hope together we can overthrow him and get HYDRA into our control. The organization has always been a boys club but it's time for a change, don't you think?"

Natasha was all for female empowerment but that didn't mean that she wanted to lead a Nazi organization. Only a dead Nazi was a good Nazi in her opinion. "Why kidnap me? Why now?"

"I'm sorry we drugged you, Talia, but we had to get you away from that American." Oksana looked disgusted. She was probably the only one who didn't want their daughter to date Captain America. "It was time for you to come home. To embrace your role. We have so much work to do. We can change the world together."

* * *

Fury was already there when Steve arrived back at the tower and looked annoyed by Stark's presence but he wanted him there. He trusted Tony and he knew that he would help him find Natasha.

"Is this a ruse to get me to rejoin SHIELD, Fury?"

"You think I'd use Romanoff for that? That I ordered her to disappear so you get worried? Or led her into a trap?" Fury seemed amused. "You may not believe me but I did no such thing. And I would never do that to Romanoff. My wife would kill me." He chuckled.

"You got a wife?" Tony asked with wide eyes.

"Not now!" Steve reminded him. "What do you know about Natasha's mission?"

"I just got off the phone with Pierce. He went over my head and sent Romanoff to kill Doom so no one would find out that the US or SHIELD were behind it. He wanted to avoid an international crisis. He has no idea what could have happened to her. Only a small circle knows about this mission."

"You trust him?"

"I've known Alexander for decades. Guy turned down the Nobel Peace Price because in his words peace is not an achievement but a responsibility. He's one of the good guys."

Why would the Secretary of State have Natasha captured or kil- no, he couldn't think about that. "What do you think happened to her?"

Fury brushed something invisible of his leather coat. "Someone managed to get a jump on her and took her hostage. She always answers when Barton reaches out to her. I don't know who. She has a lot of enemies. But since it happened in East Europe, I guess it's someone from the KGB. SHIELD is in contact with all of our agents and sleepers over there. We'll find her, don't worry. And don't forget what she's capable of, Rogers. She'll be fine."

He hoped that Fury was right but he just a bad feeling in his stomach. Natasha needed him and he didn't even know where she was. Was she still in East Europe? She could be anywhere by now.

"I hacked into the traffic cams of Budapest and the last time Red shows up is when she's arriving at her hotel. No sign of her face after that." Tony showed them the footage of Nat leaving her cab and walking up the stairs the hotel. She looked so confident and fierce in her black leather jacket and jeans, it was so hard for him to believe that someone managed to get the jump on her. He had tried to sneak up on her several times and she always knew he had been behind her.

"We need to find out who's behind this first." Fury announced. "I already sent Barton to Budapest. There's still a slight chance that she's in hiding from someone and if anyone can find her it's him." He threw a thick file on the table. "This is a list of people and organizations who could want to hurt Romanoff."

"Boy, that's a lot of paper." Tony commented and sat down at the table. He and Fury joined him to work their way through the file.

* * *

Oksana offered to show her the place after dinner. It looked more like a manor than how she imagined a HYDRA base would look like. She assumed that this is where Oskana was living.

"So what have you been doing in the last 25 years?" She asked casually and looked around for weapons. She spotted ten guards so far and was certain that the house had a security system. She would have to use her mother as a human shield to get out of here but so far she saw nothing that she could have used as a weapon. Not even one lousy letter opener.

"Working on making HYDRA great again. We've been working for years to come out of the shadows." They entered a long hallway and Oksana stopped in front of a portrait of an old man with red hair. "This is my father. Your grandfather. He was close friends with Johann Schmidt. They both promised each other to guarantee that HYDRA would be leading the world one day. Now that's your job."

She would rather die than lead HYDRA to world domination. "Why don't you do it? You know HYDRA better than I ever could."

"That was never in the cards for me. The Red Room made sure that you would have everything you'll need to be in charge one day. You are educated, confident, lethal and ruthless. Everything a good leader needs to be."

"What do you want me to do?" She asked, hoping to get enough information out of her mother as possible. Maybe she would get more names than this Von Strucker.

Oskana smiled and she immediately regretted her question. "I'm so glad you asked. First of all, we have to made sure that you're on our side. You killed Yelena for Captain America, some think you are only loyal to him. That you actually love him."

"Yelena?" She hoped to distract Oksana. She didn't want to talk about Steve. She had to get him off HYDRA's radar.

"I ordered her to bring you to me but she got obsessed with you. Like if she could ever beat you. I knew you would kill her. But I do wonder if you only killed her because of what she did to the American."

"Yelena was a menace that needed to die." She decided to answer.

"I agree. But you didn't answer where your loyalties are. But don't worry, my child, we have ways to make you loyal to our cause." Oskana smiled calmly and then Natasha felt a sharp pain in her neck and she was losing her consciousness. Her last thoughts before she passed out were that she was royally fucked and that her mother was a bitch.

"Get the chair ready, we have to start soon to get her to cooperate. Is the telepath already here?"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

They still didn't know who Natasha took or where she was. Steve was more and more convinced that HYDRA was behind the whole thing. If SHIELD was infiltrated by them. then they could have gotten excess to the mission details and could have waited for her. Smuggling someone out of a hotel was easy, they just had to put her in a delivery van and could disappear with her to anywhere.

He went to Bucky and asked him if Natasha was on HYDRA's radar and what they could have planned for her. But Buck didn't know anything and he couldn't remember if Natasha's name ever came up. But he didn't think that HYDRA had killed her or they would have left her body there for SHIELD (and Fury) to find.

Natasha had been MIA for fifteen days and Clint didn't find any traces on her whereabouts so far. Steve and Tony were thinking about leaving for East Europe as well and he already had his shield at the tower and wanted to leave like yesterday. But Fury had other plans and wanted them to stay in New York for now so that HYDRA wouldn't know that Captain America and Iron Man were looking for Black Widow, even though Steve suspected that HYDRA already knew that he was in love with Natasha. Did they capture her to get to him? They just had to name a place and time and he would gladly swap places with her. He would do anything to save her. Anything.

How could he be Captain America if he couldn't even protect the one person who meant everything to him.

JARVIS was searching every database and checking every traffic cam around the globe for Natasha but she didn't show up anywhere. He looked out of the window of the floor Tony was letting him stay. He couldn't stay at his or her apartment, everything there reminded him of her. Her smell lingered everywhere, photos of her were in his apartment and he couldn't stand to look at his bed where they had spent hours together loving each other. He stared out of the windows wishing desperately that she would come up behind him and wrap her arms around his waist whispering that she loved him. He remembered how he had promised her when he had thought her name was Natalie that he would never let anything happen to her. And now he had failed her. Wherever she was right now, he would find her and bring her back. And then he would ask her if she wanted to move in with him. He never wanted to spend another minute apart from her. He needed always to be around her to make sure that she was safe. To make sure that HYDRA wouldn't get their filthy hands on her ever again.

JARVIS alerted him that Stark wanted to talk to him. He got up to Tony's penthouse praying that he had news on Nat. That they would finally go after her. That he would finally bring his girl home. He got sick to his stomach when he thought about what HYDRA could be doing to her right now.

Fury was to his surprise at Tony's penthouse. "Grab your shield, Rogers. We're flying to London. Romanoff showed up at a SHIELD safe house this morning in Moscow and has been brought to London."

"Is she okay?"

"Just grab your things and let's go. Quinjet leaves in five minutes with or without you."

He got his shield and duffel bag in sixty seconds and was in the quinjet before Fury. Stark decided to stay in Manhattan to look after Bucky.

"How's Natasha?"

Fury sighed. "She's in containment for now." Steve opened his mouth but Fury raised a hand. "Standard protocol after an agent disappeared for days. You know that. It looks like she was tortured."

"Did they- was she-" He couldn't even finish that thought.

"No, there are no signs of sexual assault."

He sighed in relief that she didn't had to go through that again. He knew that a quinjet was faster than any other jet but it still felt like a lifetime until they would arrive in London.

* * *

He almost knocked over the director of the European SHIELD division on his way to Natasha but he didn't care. He had to see her. He had to see with his own two eyes that she was okay, that she was safe. He put his Captain America face on and the agents were getting out of his way. He heard Fury behind him trying to keep up with his pace but he didn't slow down until he finally reached her cell. It was a nice room but still a cell.

He could see her through the window. She was wearing a huge SHIELD sweater and sweatpants. He wanted to punch a wall when he looked at her face. Bruises and cuts were all over her skin. She probably had more injuries underneath her clothes. He gritted his teeth and felt rage running through his veins. He would find whoever did this to her and kill them. No one would get away with hurting Natasha. No one!

"She doesn't need your anger right now." Fury caught up to him. "She's already been through enough. She doesn't need to have to calm you down on top of that."

He knew that Fury was right and took deep breaths. This was about Natasha and not him. She needed him now and not the other way around. "Can I see her?"

Fury pointed at the window. "Don't you see her right now? But yes, you can go in. Someone will come later to talk to her. To decide if she can leave."

Steve nodded and Fury opened the cell door for him with his hand print. Natasha looked up and got off her bed and she ran into his open arms. "I was so fucking scared, Nat." He buried his face in her hair and breathed her scent in. "I'm so glad you're safe now. I love so damn much."

Her fingers grasped at the ends of his hair. "I love you, too." She whispered quietly and he sat down with her in his lap and wanted to rub his hand over her back but she hissed in pain.

"Sorry."

"It's not your fault. You're not the one who used me as a door map." She mumbled into his neck. Images of a beaten Natasha on the floor were flashing in front of his eyes and he balled his hands into fists. Remembering that she didn't need this right now, he focused on his immense love for her and calmed down.

"What happened? You don't have to tell me, sweetheart."

"No, it's okay." She looked up at him. "HYDRA was waiting for me. They somehow knew that I was in Budapest, drugged me and then took me to Moscow. They kept me at this old mansion and tortured me for days. Wanted to know about SHIELD. About you. They know about us."

He figured that. "It's okay. They'll never get close to you ever again. You'll never have to deal with HYDRA again."

Something flickered in her eyes but he couldn't tell what it was. "I didn't tell them anything."

"I know. I know you didn't. You're so strong. So very strong." He carefully gave her a soft kiss to not startle or hurt her.

"They didn't rape me."

"I...I know."

She nodded. "I don't think they know about James." He didn't even think about HYDRA knowing that they had Bucky. Her fingers played with his beard. "When can I go home? I don't wanna stay here." She admitted in a small voice.

"I promise we'll leave as soon as possible. I'll talk to Fury. I'll do whatever he wants to get you released." He wrapped his hands around her wrists. "I'll never let anyone hurt you ever again."

She gave him a small and sad smile. "Don't make promises you can't keep." He wanted to ask her what was wrong but the door opened and a man was standing at the frame.

"I'm Dr. Bakshi. I'm here for Agent Romanoff's evaluation." He smiled and stepped into the cell. "I'm sorry but you can't stay for that, Captain Rogers. My conversation with Agent Romanoff is confidential."

He looked at Natasha and only after she gave him a nod he stood up and left the room. Fury was waiting outside for him and walked with him into a conference room. "When Bakshi gives his okay then you and Romanoff can leave."

"You're staying?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna find those bastards. Natasha was able give us the location of where she was kept. A team is already there, swiping the place. Place is scattered with bodies. Did she tell you how she escaped?"

"No." He hadn't ask and he figured that she would tell him that later. "Fought her way out of that hellhole."

Fury nodded absently. "Yeah."

An hour later the doctor gave his okay and the quinjet flew him and Natasha back to the States. She slept in his arms during the entire flight and after Tony and Bucky saw her and told her that they were happy that she was back, they borrowed one of Tony's car and drove to Brooklyn. She didn't want to stay at the tower but sleep in a bed that one of them owned. He helped her take a bath at his apartment and clenched his jaw when he saw all of her injuries. Her body was covered in bruises and cuts, he never wanted to kill anyone more than those who had hurt her. Natasha's small hand was suddenly on his cheek. "It's okay. They're already dead. I killed them."

"How...how did you escape?"

"I don't really know. They said that they were coming for you next and I just snapped. I waited for the right moment and took the gun from one guard and then killed my way out."

He helped her out of the bathtub, toweled her down and helped her into one of his shirts. She already went to bed while he got quickly ready for the night. Natasha was laying on her side when he came into the bedroom. He crawled under the blankets and scooted closer to her until he was behind her but not touching her.

"Hold me." She whispered and he wrapped his arms around her. "I was scared, Steve. I thought I would never see you again."

He kissed the back of her head. "I was scared, too. I was losing my mind. I am so sorry that I didn't save you. I'm so sorry I failed you."

"You didn't fail me. I don't think that anyone could have found me. You're here now. You're making me feel safe again. That's all I need."

"I love you so much, Nat. So fucking much."

She hummed sleepily and he was sure that she fell asleep shortly after. He didn't sleep that night, every noise made him jump thinking that they were coming for her. He promised himself that night that he would kill anyone who would ever lay a hand on her again. He wouldn't let her get through such a thing ever again.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Natasha was different. She seemed to have distanced herself from him and Steve tried his hardest not to be hurt by it. He knew that everyone worked through trauma differently and that she hadn't been a very open person to begin with. He knew how special it was that he got to see her soft and vulnerable side but after what happened to her she had closed herself off. There was this barrier between them and he didn't want to be the shitty boyfriend who snapped at his girl for dealing with her trauma on her own terms. It wasn't noticeable to the outside but she wasn't so affectionate anymore. She still wanted to have sex with him but after it she didn't want to cuddle or sleep on his chest, she rolled onto her side of the bed to sleep. And even when they had sex, it didn't feel intimate anymore. This special connection wasn't there, it didn't feel like making love anymore.

She didn't hold his hand in public anymore and when he asked her to move in together, she only answered that she just got her apartment and if he had forgotten that he wanted to live with Bucky after he got his name cleared. Her rejection felt like a slap in his face, he really thought she would want to move in with him, thought they would take the next step in their relationship. She didn't put her head in his lap anymore when they were watching TV or didn't seem to particular care when he playfully threatened to shave off his beard. She even stopped going to her cooking lessons and he knew how much she had enjoyed them. She had looked so proud when she had made pesto for him. Sometimes she even left after they slept together to sleep at her place and he could see that she wanted him to leave after they had sex at her apartment.

He wanted to ask her what was wrong, that they could talk about anything and that no matter what he would always love her but every time he tried to deepen the conversation she changed the topic or distracted him with sex and he was ashamed to admit that it worked every single time. He didn't know what to do. He couldn't just call Fury and tell him that Natasha just wanted sex and nothing more from him. He thought that she should talk to a therapist but when he tried to lead the conversation to it, she stripped out of her clothes and sat down on his lap making his brain stop working. He knew that she was taught in seduction and he didn't care about but he would have never imagined that she would use those tactics on him. And he was mad at himself for falling for it every single time. He needed Natasha to know that he wanted so much more from her than sex. He would never forget the look on Rumlow's face when that ass had congratulated him on "fucking" Natasha like she was just some thing to conquer. She was so much more than that but when he turned her advances down to show her that he just didn't want sex from her, she got angry and snapped at him asking if he didn't find her attractive anymore and left his apartment. He didn't know what to do, everything he did seemed to be wrong. He didn't know how to help her, he just wanted her to get better. He started to fear that she would break up with him. He thought that the whole Natalie Rushman thing was the worst thing that could have happened to their relationship but this felt like it could tear them apart. And he didn't want to lose her. He loved her. So damn much.

* * *

He considered talking with Bucky about Natasha but he didn't know if that meant that he was betraying her trust. Natasha didn't want to visit Bucky today so he went alone.

Bucky eyed him carefully. "Everything okay, punk?"

He looked up from his fried noodles that he bought for him and Bucky. "Huh? Yeah, of course."

"You wanna try that again? That wasn't convincing at all."

He sighed and put his food down. "It's Natasha. Ever since she got back...She's different."

"How different? She went through a lot. I know from experience that HYDRA isn't exactly rainbows and puppies."

"I know that. It's just...she's so cold now. It's like she's tolerating me at best. She doesn't want me to touch her unless it leads to...you know-"

"Steve, you can say sex. We're grown ups here."

He clenched his jaw even though he knew Buck was just trying to cheer him up. "She only kisses and touches me when she wants...sex and then afterwards she's distant again."

"Did you talk to her?"

"I tried to but she blocks it every time. Either she changes the topic or she...or she does something that leads to sex."

He could see how Bucky was fighting off a smirk. "I think you're the first guy to complain that his girl wants to have sex. But I get what you mean. Did she change in any other ways?"

"She's not affectionate anymore. She stopped going to culinary school and she doesn't want to hear stories about my mother anymore." She used to love it when he had told her about his ma, asking him so many questions about her and it made him love her even more but since she was back she hadn't asked him once to tell her something about his ma or his childhood. "She wanted me to get to know Barton better and we wanted to have dinner together and before she was abducted she had bookmarked all those recipes she considered but now she doesn't mention that dinner at all."

"Are you sure she...are you sure they didn't rape her?"

That thought crossed his mind more than once. But her medical examination found no signs and Natasha said herself that she didn't got raped. But what if she had lied and he slept with her nevertheless..."I don't think so. God, I hope she wasn't."

"Even if she wasn't raped and I hope that she wasn't, she still went through something extremely traumatic. They tortured her for days and probably used you to break her if they know that you are a couple. Maybe she's keeping her distance because she remembers what they said they would do to you. They probably told Natasha that they would use her to get to you. Give her time, she needs to work through this on her own terms. Everyone deals with this differently."

"I know."

"She still loves you, Steve. The woman is crazy about you." He really hoped that Bucky was right.

* * *

He wondered if Natasha knew somehow that he had talked with Bucky about her because she didn't come over that night. He let her have her space and knocked on her door the next morning with breakfast in his hands. He almost dropped it when he saw her. She looked tired with dark circles and had a bruise on her temple.

"Sweetheart, what happened?"

"Nothing. I helped Daredevil last night and got hit."

"Can I come in?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Sure, whatever." She stepped aside and as soon as he put the bag with their breakfast on her kitchen table she pushed him against her fridge, her hands moving to his belt. "Wanna fuck?"

He pushed her gently away, he was not in the mood for sex and he was starting to think he was taking advantage of her. "Let's have breakfast, okay?"

She took a step back and furrowed her eyebrows. God, there was a time where he knew what she was thinking but he had no idea what was going through her head right now. "You don't wanna have sex with me?"

"Not right now. Let's eat together, okay? Take a walk, enjoy the warm weather. And then we can come back and make love." He gave her one of his boyish smiles he knew she liked so much but it didn't seem to work right now.

"What guy turns down sex?!" She scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "You usually want to fuck me all the time."

"Natasha, please don't be like that." He didn't like it when she referred to their lovemaking as fucking in a conversation. "Please tell me what's going on with you. Please talk to me."

She looked angry now. "Nothing's going on! Excuse me for wanting to have sex with my boyfriend!"

"I'm starting to think you're only having sex with me to keep me at bay. Like you think you have to sleep with me so I won't get too close to you."

"I don't think you can get any closer to someone than having them inside you." She moved further away from him.

"Nat, please. Don't push me away. I love you. Talk to me. You're so different since you're back."

"Of course, I'm different! I got tortured for over two weeks, not knowing if I would get out of there alive. Not knowing if I would ever see you again! They sometimes told me that they killed you and I didn't believe them but sometimes I did. You don't know what they said they would do to you once they would get you through me. They promised to let me go if I led them to you. The things..." Her eyes were glistening with tears. "The things they said they would do to you. It was horrible. They wanted to break you, they wanted to rap- they wanted to do unspeakable things to you. I just knew I had to get out of there before they would get you..."

He ran over to her and pulled her against his chest. She froze at first but then wrapped her arms around him. He was glad that she finally opened up to him but his heart broke for her. He wanted to kill each and every member of HYDRA for doing this to her. "Shh, I'm here, sweetheart. I'm safe. You're safe. No one is taking me away from you."

"What if they still come for you? HYDRA is everywhere." She mumbled against his chest. "What if they do use me to break you?"

He kissed the top of her head, lifted her up and carried her to her bedroom. "I won't let that happen. We'll always be together, Nat. Always, I promise you." He laid down with her on top of him and she buried her face in the crook of his neck. "I love you more than anything in this world."

"I feel like there is something wrong with me and I don't know what it is. Like there's something rotten inside of me that wants to get out."

"Nothing's wrong with you. You're perfect. Every single thing about you is perfect and we'll get through this. You'll get better, Nat. I know you will."

She slept through the whole morning and after talking with him about it, she called SHIELD and asked for an appointment with a therapist. Dr. Bashki happened to be in New York and agreed to see her the next day. Natasha went back to bed after that phone call and let him hold her. He felt already better and whatever she needed to get through this, he would get it for her.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

He left Natasha's apartment after breakfast so she could talk to Dr. Bakshi in private. He didn't want to leave her alone, not now when she was in such a vulnerable state but he knew that he couldn't be there when she talked to a therapist. Natasha seemed to be a bit better and gave him a loving kiss before he left. They didn't have sex last night and he never thought he would say this but he was actually glad that she didn't want to sleep with him.

Bucky would be spending the whole day with Coulson and Tony was out of town, so Steve didn't really know what to do with his free time. He spotted a book store on his way to his apartment and decided to see if he could find any books that would help him support Natasha in her current state. He wasn't surprised that he didn't find anything on _How to help the love of your life after she was tortured by a secret Nazi organization_ but he bought a few books on PTSD and trauma and went home to look into them. He had went to Sam's VA group when he had lived in DC but it was still different when it wasn't yourself who was dealing with the PTSD. He thought briefly about asking Sam for his advice but he didn't want to betray Nat's trust any further. He already felt guilty about telling Bucky about their problems.

Around four pm Natasha called him to ask him if he wanted to meet her at Prospect Park to have a picnic with her. She sounded like herself again without the bitterness in her voice of the last few days and he sighed in relief after he hung up. They would get through this, she would get through this. The sun was shining and Nat was already there in a floral maxi dress waiting for him with a basket on her arm. She smiled when she saw him and walked over to him.

"Hi." Her eyes weren't so clouded anymore, she looked happier. "I thought we could have a date in the park. Picnics are our thing after all."

He smiled and took the basket off her arm to carry it. Natasha often said that she could carry her things herself but he still thought that a gentleman should carry things for his girl. He thought back to the picnic they've had in her living room back in DC where they had told each other 'I love you' for the first time. "Yes, they are." She looked up at him and puckered her lips. He chuckled and leaned down to kiss her softly. "I take it your talk with Baskhi went well?"

"Mm." She mumbled and looped her arms around his neck to kiss him some more. "Talking to him helped a lot. He made me realize that I have to move on. I can't hold on what happened to me. It would destroy me. I have to focus on the future. On my plans."

"What kind of plans?"

She grinned. "Well, right now my plan is to have a nice date with my boyfriend." She intertwined their fingers and they walked through the park to look for the perfect spot. They found it under a tree near the lake. He placed the blanket on the grass so Natasha could sit down. "I went to the deli you like so much, babe." His heart was fluttering in his chest, she hadn't called him that since she came back. He took the pastrami sandwich out of her hand and kissed her senseless. She looked amused. "What was that for?"

He gave her a boyish grin and this time she smiled. "For the sandwich."

She shook her head and sipped on her lemonade. "I talked with Bakshi about us. About our relationship. I have to apologize to you, Steve. I know I've been a bitch to you in the last two weeks. I'm sorry."

"Hey, there's nothing to be sorry about." He placed his hand on her thigh and rubbed circles on it. "You went through something terrible and that was your way of dealing with it."

"That's the thing, I wasn't dealing with it at all. But now I am." She nodded, mostly to herself. "I'm still sorry for shutting you out. I know you just want to help me. And I love your for it. God, I love you so much." He got dizzy like he did every time when she told him that she loved him and leaned forward to kiss her again. She licked over his lip before he pulled away. "Hm, you taste like pastrami." She smiled to herself but then looked serious. "I'm not ready to move in with you, Steve. It's not like I don't want to but I'm just not ready. I've never lived with someone before, not like that...And I just...I don't wanna be vulnerable again after what happened."

"You know I'd never hurt you. But I understand." He was a bit disappointed but he would give her all the time she needed. Maybe they were moving a bit too fast. They weren't even together for a year, even if he counted both his time with Natalie _and_ Natasha. Maybe it was too soon. "I can wait."

"Thank you. I have Bakshi's number and he said that I can call him if I needed to talk. He's returning to London. I think I might take him up on that offer."

He was so proud of her that she was accepting help. He knew how proud and stubborn she was. "That's good. I'm proud of you, sweetheart."

She smiled and bit into her own sandwich. They spent the rest of the afternoon on the blanket with Natasha using him as her pillow and he almost cried out of pure joy when her hand moved to his face to play with his beard. "I know I said I didn't care if you shave it off but please don't. I like how your beard feels against my skin. And you look really hot with it."

"I look hot with it?"

"Very." She pressed a kiss to his neck. "It really turns me on."

He twirled a strain of her hair round his finger. "Well, in that case..."

"Steve?" She nibbled on his neck and he was pretty sure they were about to overstep what was okay for PDA.

"Mm?"

"Take me home and make love to me." He was convinced that Nat was on her way to getting better because she hadn't referred to sex as making love since she got back. Only as fucking.

They walked hand in hand to his place since it was closer and Natasha let him undress her slowly to admire her beauty and she kissed him the entire time while they were making love. He didn't keep track but they spent hours in his bed moving as one, kissing and whispering sweet nothings. Natasha collapsed on top of him and he wrapped his arms around her and she was panting into his neck. Their connection was back, that special bond that made sex so intimate and intense with her was back and they were finally making love again and not just having sex. He rolled them onto their sides and cupped her face in his hands. She smiled sleepily at him, her hair sticking to her forehead and her cheeks were flushed. She looked so beautiful. "I love you, Natasha. God, I'm so in love with you."

She kissed him slowly. "I love you, too. Whatever happens in the future that will never change."

He woke up before her the next morning and after entangling himself from her without waking her up he went to the kitchen to make breakfast for them. He was just about to put bacon into the pan when Natasha yelled his name and he turned around to ran to her but she was already at the door frame and then two seconds later threw herself into his arms. She was shaking and hugged him tightly.

"What's wrong, doll? What happened?"

"I killed you." She mumbled into his chest. "I killed you, in my dream. It felt so real and then I woke up and you weren't there...I just panicked."

He rubbed his hands over her naked back. "Shh, it was just a nightmare. You would never hurt me. Let alone kill me. It was just a bad dream."

She looked up at him and she looked terrified. "It was just a bad dream." She repeated. With her still wrapped around his body he turned off the stove and lifted her up to walk back with her to bed. She snuggled into his side. "It was just a bad dream." She whispered over and over again and he wondered if he had been too excited about her progress. But then again he had nightmares too from time to time. It was just something that came with the job. Natasha fell asleep again and he didn't stop rubbing her back. This wasn't a setback he decided, it was just a nightmare.

* * *

He was watching Romanoff and Rogers enjoying their little date in Prospect Park when his phone rang. "Status report?"

Sunil Bakshi hated interacting with Madame Romanova. She was a cold and nasty bitch that no one could trust but she was above him and he had to answer to her. He still couldn't believe that the Black Widow was Madame Romanova's daughter. And that the future leader of HYDRA was in love with Captain America or rather that Captain America was in love with HYDRA's future leader. He had to admit that he enjoyed the irony of that. Maybe his love for Romanoff could make him join HYDRA one day. But he didn't know what plans Romanova had for Captain America.

"She's fixed. The telepath did excellent work."

"Good. Is she aware that she's our under control?"

"She shows no signs. She's back to her old safe but the trigger words have been implanted in her."

"Good. I wonder if Captain Rogers makes her happy..." Romanova murmured and he wasn't sure if she was talking to him or to herself.

He looked over to the tree where Rogers was feeding Romanoff with something and she bit into his finger making him laugh."I followed them to a park. They seem to be very much in love."

"Well, not for long. But let her have some fun before her work starts. She won't have any time for pleasure once we start operations Odile and Insight."

Bakshi didn't know if he should feel sorry for Romanoff that her mother didn't care about her personal happiness or feelings. But then again HYDRA was more important than anything and the Black Widow apparently the key to their success. He watched how Romanoff pushed Rogers back on the picnic blanket and kissed him. HYDRA had no use for love and Romanoff would understand that. HYDRA had made sure of that. She was theirs now and nothing, he looked at Rogers who grinned up at Romanoff, or _no one_ would change that. Who would have foreseen that the downfall of SHIELD and Captain America would be a petite redhead? Bakshi smiled to himself and went back into his car telling his driver to bring him to the airport. He wasn't needed here anymore, the plan was already set in motion.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Coulson ended Bucky's solitary confinement and he was allowed to roam the tower but unfortunately still not allowed to leave it. He and Nat visited him and trained with him on the gym floor. He could see how happy Bucky was that he could at least move around the tower freely. He didn't want to spar but he let Natasha teach him some yoga. Steve busied himself with weight lifting so he didn't get too distracted by Natasha's flexibility. Ever since she started to actually enjoy sex with him again and didn't just sleep with him to push him away, his libido was back at full force. Natasha bent and displayed her cute round ass to him, looked through her legs and smirked at him before she told Bucky to change his position.

After they showered and changed they went up to the roof to enjoy the nice weather. Natasha made him drag a lounger into the sun so she could sunbathe, he felt like her mother when he asked her if she applied SPF because her fair skin got so fast sunburn. She rolled her eyes and said yes and then laid down in her bathing suit (he had no idea she had taken one with her to the tower) and pulled her sunglasses down. She really looked breathtaking like this and he was itching to draw her. He pressed a quick kiss to her forehead and walked back to Bucky who was sitting on one of those giant cushion chairs and sipping a beer. Steve was pretty sure it was his first one in decades. He took a seat next to Bucky and took a beer out of the cooler.

"I see things are better between you two now?"

"Yes. We talked and Nat went to a therapist."

"Dr. Garner?"

"No, Dr. Bakshi. He also works for SHIELD. She's working on herself."

"That's good. I'm glad she's getting better. She didn't deserve what HYDRA did to her." Bucky said grimly and sipped on his beer. His facial expressions changed and he smirked. "How is your sex life now? Better or is she still just using you for sex to distract her and you?"

He rolled his eyes and leaned back against the cushions. "I'm not talking with you about this."

His smirk got wider. "You don't have to. I heard you in the showers. You both sounded very...enthusiastic. I never thought you would have such a filthy mouth, Stevie!"

He knew he was as red as a tomato. "Shut up! You can be such an ass sometime, you know that?"

"You love me like this." Bucky said with a grin and drank his beer.

He left with Natasha when the sun was going down and she used his arm for support in the subway since she couldn't really comfortably hold onto the support strap in her flats. He leaned down from time to time to give her a short kiss.

She smiled up at him and then poked him with her finger into his pec. "I know you talked with James about me. About us, about our problems."

He felt immediately guilty again. "I'm sorry, Nat. I know I shouldn't ha-"

"It's okay. I'm glad you have someone to talk to. I'm not mad." Her finger circled his nipple through his shirt. "But I think some kind of punishment is in order." She gave him a heated look and he swallowed.

"Yeah? What kind?"

She smiled like a Cheshire cat. "You'll see when we're at my place."

He didn't see how spending the next hour or so with his face buried between her thighs was punishment but he'd do anything to make his girl happy and he personally loved to go down on her. Nat had teased him more than once with the claim that he had an oral fixation. He looked up at her and her eyes were closed, her skin was flushed and her small hands were grabbing the sheets beneath her. He sucked her clit into his mouth and she gave him a gasp that turned into a loud moan. He smiled and pressed his face harder into her sex. Maybe she had a point.

Much later that night she got out of bed, slipped the kimono on he got her ,because the colors of it fitted perfectly to her skin and hair, and came back with paper and pencils. He sat up on the bed and looked at her with curiosity.

"I want you to draw me like one of your French girls, Rogers."

"Really?" He'd drawn so many pictures of her, some even a bit sexy but never completely in the nude.

"Really." She put the drawing utensils on the mattress and let her kimono slide off her shoulders. "Only if you want to, of course."

He got out of bed and picked the notebook and pencils up. "I'd love to draw you, doll." She smiled and asked him how she wanted him to pose. He moved her a few times until he was happy. God, she was a goddess.

"You're so beautiful, Nat." He rasped out while he moved the pencil over the paper to capture her beauty and essence.

She blushed a little bit. "Thank you."

He didn't know how long he drew her because it had to be perfect but his sweet girl fell asleep and he joined her in the bed after he was done drawing her and covered her with the blankets. She made little sleepy noises and snuggled against him in her sleep. He kissed her head and fell asleep soon after.

* * *

He could tell that something was up by the way Natasha was acting all day. She was looking at him like she wanted to tell him something but she didn't know how. Did she change her mind and wanted to move in together after all? They were at the farmers market buying ingredients for dinner because Natasha asked him to teach her one of his mother's dishes. She had asked him with a cute blush on her face and told him that she wanted to be able to make something that reminded him of home. He had told her that _she_ was his home which made her only blush harder. She didn't return to culinary school but she agreed to cook with him to learn a thing here and there. Not that he was a master chef himself but his ma taught him a few things.

Natasha wore one of her maxi dresses again and he noticed that she only wore them when she was with him. She walked a few steps in front of him and stopped at different booths to try things and bought different foods and put them in her basket. He didn't think she realized that most things wouldn't taste good together but he let her have some fun. She looked over her shoulder from time to time and smiled brightly at him. God, he was so in love with her, it was getting ridiculous. Natasha stopped at a cheese stand and the old man selling the cheese was flirting with her like there was no tomorrow. He knew he had no reason to be jealous but he still joined Natasha and put his hand on her waist to pull her against him.

"You found something, sweetheart?"

Natasha chuckled and pinched his ass, he tried his best not to react to it. "In fact I did, sweet cheeks." She pinched his ass again and smiled innocently at the old man. "I'd like a pound of mozzarella and half a pound of Saint André."

"Anything for the beautiful lady. I'll even give you a discount." He gave Nat a charming smile, the cheese and Steve paid for it. "Found yourself quite a gorgeous girl there, son."

Steve was pretty sure that he was older than the man but he was also glad that he didn't seem to recognize him. "I know."

He took her hand for the rest of the walk through the farmers market to scare off any men who thought they could flirt with his girl. "Why do men always have to hit on you?"

Natasha seemed amused. "You mean the man at the cheese stand? He didn't actually mean that! He flirted with the woman before me, too. And he gave us 10 % on the cheese."

He squeezed. "I know...It's just...And I know that you'll never cheat...It's just I hate the way men look at you. Like you're some piece of meat."

She made him stop and turned him to face her. "Just ignore them. I know I do. And have you ever noticed how women look at _you_?"

"Huh? No?" What was that supposed to mean? "I only look at you, Nat."

She smiled and tugged on his collar so he would lower his head because she was too small to reach his lips in her flats. She kissed him softly and he really wanted to go home to kiss her more and do other stuff that wasn't tolerated in public. "Good answer. But do you seriously not see how people look at you?" She put her hand on his face and turned his head into the direction of a group of women. They blushed and immediately looked away. "See? I'm sure they were saying filthy stuff about you. One more hungry stare and I would have had to go over there to mark my territory. Nobody gets their hands on my man except for me."

Possessive Nat really turned him on but he still needed to tell her that there was nothing to worry about. "There will never be someone else."

She smiled. "I know. I feel the same way about you. No one will ever compare to you."

They went to his place and to his disappointment Natasha did not walk into his bedroom but into the kitchen to start making his ma's lasagna. He couldn't stop imagining his ma teaching Nat to make her lasagna and them both teasing him to no end. Natasha was stirring the tomato sauce and he moved to stand behind her shoving her hair out of the way and started to kiss her neck.

"Stop that!" She chuckled but tilted her head to the side so he had better access. "I don't want to burn the sauce!"

"I thought women were masters of multitasking?" He mumbled against her skin and began to suck on her pulse point.

Natasha laughed but elbowed him and he stopped. "We'll have time for that later, Rogers."

He grinned and put the noddle plates into the baking dish while Natasha put the sauce in it. He pretended not to notice how she shoved half the mozzarella into her mouth instead of putting it on the lasagna. He sometimes wondered how so much food could fit into such a tiny person. He put the dish in the oven and set the timer.

"Okay, are you gonna tell me what's on your mind?"

"Huh?" Natasha was licking the sauce of the wooden spoon and he never thought he would find something like this as hot as he did.

"I feel like there's something you want to tell me but you don't know how."

She put the spoon back in the pot. "Am I that transparent? Yes, you're right. There is something..." She wrapped her arms around his waist and looked up at him with big eyes. "Please don't get mad."

"Why would I-"

"I wanna work for SHIELD again."

His heart sank and he started to panic. SHIELD had sent her on that mission and then HYDRA had gotten their filthy hands on her. What if something like this happened again...What if she wouldn't come back to him one day at all? What if-

"Shh." She rubbed her small hands over his chest. "It's okay. What happened to me in East Europe won't happen again. I've worked for SHIELD for almost a decade and something like that only happened once to me. I talked to Bakshi and he said it's a good idea. It's like when you fall off a horse and they tell you to get back into the saddle. I will be fine."

"Okay. I can't tell you what to do." He kissed her deeply and made a decision for himself. "I will rejoin SHIELD."

"What? No, Steve. I know you're still pissed because of the...because of the whole Natalie Rushman thing."

"Doesn't matter. I'll come back under one condition..if you're okay with it. I want to be your partner."

"Are you sure this is what you want, Steve?"

He nodded. "Yes, it's gonna be fun."

Natasha called Fury the next day and after they were both evaluated and signed countless papers, they were both working for SHIELD again, as partners. That way he could look after her and make sure that HYDRA would never get close to her again. He would rather die than let her go through that hell again.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Their first official mission together led them to Seoul where they were about to infiltrate a party of thugs selling drugs, weapons and stolen artifacts. Natasha wore a beautiful red dress and he was sad that her red hair was hidden under a black wig. SHIELD and Natasha were convinced that his beard and longer hair made him unrecognizable and he was only given fake glasses to go with his grey suit. He wasn't very good at undercover ops but he felt like he could do anything with his girl by his side.

He watched how Natasha hid her weapons ( Agent Fitz guaranteed they wouldn't be found by a metal detector) under her dress in their hotel room. She gave him a coy smile when she slid her dress back over her thighs and sauntered over to him and ran her hands over his chest. "You should wear glasses more often." She purred and looked up at him through her lashes.

"I have perfect eyesight." He answered dumbly because he still didn't get the hang out of seduction.

Natasha smirked and licked her red lips. "You ever tried role play?"

He gulped, trying his best to remember why they were even in Seoul. Right, weakening the black market here. "You know I haven't."

"Then we have to add that to your sex bucket list." Natasha told him frequently that he should write down all the things he wanted to try out but he honestly just enjoyed sleeping with his girl in one of their beds. She was his dream come true. Even though he had to admit that he liked all the things Nat introduced him to. "You can be the professor and I'm your student-"

"That's highly inappropriate! Isn't that illegal?"

Natasha laughed. "Yes, in real life. But it's just a fantasy." She pecked his lips. "Think about it, babe. We don't have to do it if you're not comfortable with it."

"I...I'll think about it." He gave her a quick kiss and they left to get to the party. The plan was to steal the data they had on their clients so SHIELD could go after the criminal organisations. He knew he was just here as back up and that Nat would be doing most of the work by sneaking into the upstairs rooms to find the servers. He was just here to protect her and he was more than okay with it. That was his job as her boyfriend after all.

He missed his shield but there would have been no way to get it into the building without anyone noticing. They checked their ear pieces and then he walked with Natasha on his arm into the party. And naturally all heads turned to Natasha, men were looking at her with want in their eyes and at him with jealousy and some kind of admiration.

She squeezed his hand. "Remember that none of this is real." She whispered. "None of the flirting I'll do tonight with these men means anything, okay? There's only you."

"I know." He whispered back. "I love you."

She smiled, her eyes full of love and then something flickered over her face and he knew she was now the Black Widow. She let go off him and made her way to the bar, men already eager to buy her a drink. She laughed and tossed her hair back and he reminded himself that she was just acting. _This isn't real._ Her goal would be tonight to get one of the men to take her upstairs so she could drug him and then search for the data.

Steve pretended to take a look at some of the things that would be sold tonight but in reality he was watching Natasha out of the corner of his eye to make sure that she was safe. She was flirting with one of the organizers of the auction and he looked like he was _really_ into her. He put his hand on her thigh and kept playing with her hand. Natasha laughed and played along telling him all the things he wanted to hear. Ten minutes later Natasha asked the scumbag if they could continue this somewhere private and he took her hand and led her to the stairwell. Natasha looked over her shoulder and gave him a small nod before she followed the guy upstairs. He gritted his teeth and swallowed his jealousy down. _This isn't real. She's faking it. She only loves you._ He followed them to the stairs so he was close by if she needed him. He didn't know how much time had passed when he finally heard her voice in his ear.

"Target's sleeping like baby. I'll look around for the intel."

Steve raised his bourbon to cover his mouth."Copy that." He whispered and acted like was checking out the vase from the Ming dynasty. Twenty minutes passed and Natasha walked downstairs with tousled hair and faded make-up to keep up the false appearance that she just had sex. She nodded at him and walked back to the bar. They stayed another half an hour with countless men hitting on her and then left the party.

They didn't talk until they were in their hotel room and took out their ear pieces. "I got everything SHIELD wanted." She looked at him with big eyes. "Steve, are you okay? You know it didn't mean anything, right? You know I didn't have sex with that guy. He didn't even got to kiss me before I drugged him."

He pushed her against the wall behind her. "I know." He clenched his jaw, his jealousy returning. "I know. I still hated it." He pressed her harder into the wall his arms caging her in. "You're mine."

Her eyes widened and he feared that he had gone too far, had used too much strength or made her uncomfortable. "I like this side of you." She pressed her chest against him. "Claim me."

And he did, again and again, until they were both too exhausted to even move one inch. Natasha was already passed out and sleeping on top of him. The last thing she had said before she fell asleep was that they had to burn the mattress and sheets before they checked out. She was probably right, or would have at least leave a generous tip for the cleaning staff

* * *

Since they were already in Asia they helped a SHIELD black ops team to free hostages in Indonesia. He had seen Natasha fight before but it still amazed him every time. The way she moved, strong and confident, every one of her punches and kicks landed on her target and she had no problem to take out men twice her size. She was truly a force to reckon with. He was so in awe that he almost got knocked over with his own shield but he managed to get it back and took his attacker out. The hostages were freed and SHIELD was taking care of them.

The quinjet brought them to the helicarrier that was currently hovering over China and they debriefed Hill on the success of their two missions. The data Nat stole in Seoul was more than helpful and SHIELD was about to raid the locations of the crime rings that had been present at the auction.

Natasha slipped into his quarters when he was about to get out of his stealth suit. She wrapped her arms around his waist and he felt her press her cheek against his back. "I have a confession to make."

"Okay?"

"I think I have a uniform kink." She whispered huskily and turned him in her arms. She pulled his head down and he kissed her softly.

"You do?"

"Have you looked in a mirror, Rogers? I'm surprised SHIELD didn't collapse with you running around in that thing." She kissed him again. "This is the first time I see you in your uniform and I have to say I really like what I'm seeing."

"Yeah?" He let his gaze wander over your body. "I really like your catsuit too."

She smirked and her hands moved to his waistline. "Is this a one piece or a- It's two pieces, excellent!" She grinned up at him and her fingers were on the buckle of his utility belt. "Remember when you asked me if we could make love on your shield?" She raised an eyebrow and unbuckled his belt.

"Here?" He was a bit worried that they could get caught but he was already responding to Natasha shoving her hand into his pants.

"Walls are soundproof here and the door is locked." She smiled at him wickedly and moved her hand up and down. "What do you say, Captain?"

"Too bad that we have to get _you_ out of your suit." He grinned, lifted her up and threw her on the cot. Natasha laughed and let him peel her out of her catsuit while she ordered him to leave his on. He might be her commanding officer but they both knew that she was the boss of him.

He was incredibly sated and happy when they left the helicarrier later that day and only blushed slightly when Hill asked him if he enjoyed his stay.

* * *

Tony was out of the country on a business trip while also looking into a lead on HYDRA without raising any suspicion why he was in East Europe. Fury agreed with them that HYDRA was especially strong there since the governments were fragile after the fall of the Iron Curtain. There had been reports of missing teenagers in Sokovia taken by a secret cult and it was worth looking into if HYDRA was behind it.

He went with Natasha to the tower to celebrate their first mission as partners with Buck. They went up on the roof again and had a little barbecue. Buck was getting good evaluations from both Gardner and Coulson and hoped to be soon allowed to leave the tower. Steve was disappointed when Bucky told him that he wanted to stay here for the foreseeable future even if he got the okay to move out.

"It's better that way, punk." Bucky clapped him on the back. Natasha was currently not here because Pepper returned from a business trip and she wanted to say hi to her. "The tower is better equipped to deal with me if I have a setback and I honestly don't want to share a wall with you. Not after hearing you giving Natasha a good time in the showers." Bucky grinned. "I'm still haunted by the ghosts of your moaning past."

He was sure his whole body was blushing. "Um...I don't want you to think that you have to stay here."

"I know and I don't think that. I actually like it here. Stark's a good guy underneath all that sarcasm and terrible jokes and Pepper is a nice lady. I would even get my own floor. I _want_ to live here. Maybe I'll move back to Brooklyn one day."

"Okay." He nodded. Bucky was a grown up and could do whatever (okay, whatever SHIELD allowed him to do) wanted. And there was still his dream that he would live with Nat one day and he didn't think that she would want to live with two people when she had already problems to warm up to the idea to live with only him.

Natasha came back with a shopping bag on her arm and plopped down on his lap and stole the last piece of his steak. She smiled at him sweetly and went for the rest of his salad.

"You know that you can have your own plate, right?"

"I'm not hungry." She lied and went to steal from Bucky's plate before he could pull it away. Bucky made offended noises and held his plate up with his arm too high of her to reach and she fucking _pouted_. Bucky stuck his tongue out. God, he was surrounded by children.

"Did you go shopping?!" He asked to change the topic because Natasha looked ready to attack Bucky to get the rest of his steak.

"No, but Pepper did. You'll have to wait until we're alone to see it."

Bucky groaned. "Please don't tell me there's lingerie in that bag!"

Natasha smirked. "Wouldn't you like to know, James?"

"Actually, I really don't."

He really thought that it was lingerie or something like that but he realized it was a bit too heavy for lacy underwear when he carried the bag to her apartment.

She pulled him by his hand into her living room and shoved him onto the couch. He expected her to straddle his waist but instead she pulled a giant gift box out of the shopping bag holding it out to him. "For you. I hope you like it."

He smiled at her confused and took it. "Did I miss an important date in our relationship?" He was racking his brain but today's date had no meaning to them.

"Nope. Just a little something for my man." She sat down next to him on the couch. "Open it. I hope you'll like it."

She looked really excited and he went to open the gift box. He was greeted by the smell of leather and removed the wrapping paper. His breath hitched and he pulled a brown leather jacket out. The leather was very smooth and soft, this jacket must have been really expensive."Nat-"

"Do you like it? Try it on!"

"This must have cost you a lot of mon-"

She waved him off. "I'm having none of that. I wanted to get you something nice. Something that will stay with you for a long time. You only get this brand in Europe, that's why Pepper had to get it for me. They don't ship to the US. Try it on, babe."

He did and the jacket fitted him perfectly. It was easily the nicest piece of clothing he'd ever owned. "Thank you." He breathed out and pulled her off the couch. "I love it. Thank you."

She beamed and wrapped his arm around his waist underneath the jacket. "You're welcome. It's a thank you for the way you were there for me. That you didn't let me push you away. I never...I never knew what unconditional love felt like until you. To love someone unconditionally and to be loved by someone unconditionally."

He brushed her hair behind her ear and cupped her face. His heart was swelling in his chest, he knew how special it was that she opened up to him like that. How special it was that she loved _him_. That she had chosen him to give her heart to. "You are the love of my life, Natasha."

She smiled and her eyes were glistening. "You are the love of my life, Steve." She closed her eyes and he got the hint and lowered his head to kiss her. They made love slowly that night and kissed for hours afterwards. He asked Natasha to wear his leather jacket the next morning so he could take a Polaroid of her like that, the jacket covering half of her naked thighs and hid the photo in the inside pocket of his jacket. That way she would always be with him when he wore it.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Natasha was getting worse, her body was covered in sweat, she was shivering and tossing on the small bed. He wiped her sweat with a wash cloth off and murmured to her that everything would be okay but he didn't think that she heard him.

They were deep in the jungle of the Kongo in a safe house waiting for extraction but there was a storm outside and no quinjet could get to them. They were sent to support local authorities to save girls from a terror group but they had been lured into a trap and Natasha got hurt. The wound on her stomach was infected and he was losing his mind fearing that she would die. He feared that she had a sepsis. She needed medical help _now_ but no one was here to help them and he had no equipment here to save her. He had cleaned the wound but she needed antibiotics and the ones stashed at the safe house were expired.

Her clothes were soaked in sweat and she couldn't focus her eyes on him when he asked her to. He radioed SHIELD again and they promised to send a quinjet as soon as possible.

"I hate her." Nat suddenly mumbled and he ran back to her. "I hate her...She's evil."

"What? Sweetheart, can you hear me?" He brushed the wet hair out of her face. "Who are you talking about?"

"My mom. I hate her. She's evil. I need to kill her..." She was staring into nothingness. God, she was getting delirious.

"Nat, your mother is dead. And she was not evil. I'm sure she loved you very much."

"No!" She shook her head and he had to hold her still so she wouldn't hurt her. "She doesn't love me." Her eyes focused on him. "Hi...I love you...Won't let her hurt you...Love you so much..." She pushed the blanket away."It's so hot!"

He couldn't cry right now, he needed to take care of her. Was she dying? No, he couldn't think like that. "I love you, Nat. Stay strong, okay?"

"Okay." She mumbled and closed her eyes. "Always love you."

The doctors at the SHIELD hospital in Nairobi later told him that she would have died if she didn't have a Red Room version of his serum running through her veins. For the first time he was actually grateful to those fuckers. He didn't leave her side during her stay at the hospital and dragged another hospital bed into her room ignoring the dirty looks the ward nurse gave him. What was she gonna do? He outranked her and HYDRA could be anywhere and there was no way he would leave his girl alone in her defenseless state. Natasha slept for three days and he stayed with her the whole time. He thanked his serum for giving him the ability to go without sleep for days.

"Steve?"

He looked up from their intertwined hands to see that she blinked her eyes open. "Hey." He pressed soft kisses over her face. "God, you scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry?" She looked around with confusion on her face. "Where am I? What happened?"

He told her about the mission and her injury but she didn't remember a thing. She motioned for him to join her in her hospital bed and she fell back to sleep with her head on his chest. God, that had been close. He didn't think he could live without her. He kissed the top of her head and he was sure that he didn't imagine the small smile on the face of the ward nurse when she came in to check on Nat.

* * *

She was allowed to fly two days later and Fury gave them both the next week off which made Steve more than grateful. Nat was still drowsy from the meds and he wanted to look after her, wanted to take care of her. Bucky was at the Triskelion where SHIELD, the DOJ and the World Council would be deciding about his future. He wanted to be there for him, to be by his side but he wasn't allowed to join the meetings and Bucky told him that Natasha needed him more right now.

They were laying on his couch, Natasha on top of him with her face buried in his neck and was sleeping. He rubbed one hand over her back and held a book in the other one trying to catch up on all the literature he had missed in the last seventy years. They had taken a shower together and Nat almost fell immediately asleep after she took her medication that would help heal her wound without leaving any scars. It was a new medication developed by Agent Simmons but it took its toll on Nat making her sleepy all the time. He was halfway through the book when she woke up.

"Hi." She smiled sleepily and blinked a few times.

He kissed her forehead. "Hey, had a good sleep?"

She nodded and sat up. "Yes. I'm hungry. I'll make sandwiches. You want one?" She grinned. "Or four?"

"I can make them, doll." He went to get up but she pushed him back onto the couch. "Nope, you're already doing so much for me. Let me make my own sandwiches."

He nodded and let her kiss him before she left to go into his kitchen. His gaze fell on his leather jacket in the hallway and he remembered that he wanted to give his girl something. He hoped she liked the gesture and didn't think it was cheesy and silly. He went to the dresser in his bedroom, got his dog tags out of his drawer and walked into the kitchen. Natasha wasn't making sandwiches but shoving a spoon into a Nutella glass.

"Oh, hi." She blushed slightly.

He laughed and shook his head in amusement. "I have something for you. If you don't like it, just tell me. Don't just wear it because of me."

She furrowed her eyebrows and put the Nutella down. "I'm sure I'll like it. What is it?"

He let his dog tags hang in front of her face. "I want to give them to you. You don't have to wear them, I just want you to have them. They're yours. Just like I am yours."

She snatched them out of his hand with a big smile and put them around her neck. The tags landing in the valley of her breasts. "I'll never take them off again. Thank you, Steve. I love it."

"Yeah?" He asked shyly.

"It's the perfect gift." She smiled and kissed him. She tasted like Nutella and Natasha.

Later that night when Natasha was sprawled across his bed naked with a dopey grin on her face, he couldn't stop looking at his dog tags between her breasts. She had taken them off during their lovemaking but put them back on after they've had enough of each other for the night.

She opened one eye to look at him. "Did you just give me them so you have an excuse to ogle my boobs, Captain Rogers?"

He snorted and pressed a kiss between her breasts. "You've seen right through me, Agent Romanoff."

She smiled and snuggled against his side. "Can we go out tomorrow night? Go to a nice restaurant and then go dancing?"

"You asking me out?" He kissed the top of her head and she nodded. "That sounds great. You're gonna wear a nice dress for me?" He didn't get an answer because she already fell asleep.

He picked her up at her place the next night with flowers and chocolate and took her to a nice restaurant and then dancing. She looked breathtaking in her little black dress and he could see how jealous the men were who saw them together that he was the one having his hand on the small of her back and not them. They danced almost through the whole night and he loved how happy Natasha looked when he twirled her around. She was practically beaming at him and kissed him again and again. They could barely keep their hands to each other until they arrived at her apartment and gave the cab driver quite show but he didn't care. All he could think about was Natasha and how perfect she was and how much he loved her. And he could confirm that Simmons' new meds worked because there was no scar on her stomach when he got Natasha finally out of her dress and pushed her gently onto the bed. She beckoned to him to join her and he gladly did.

Two days later they got the call from Fury that they had to leave to take back a SHIELD ship in the Indian Ocean.

* * *

Steve opened his eyes and had no idea where he was. He blinked a few times and realized that he was in a hospital. What happened? God, his chest hurt. Where was Nat? Was she okay? He looked around and saw Sam sitting by his side. What was he doing here? He saw that he was hooked to machines and the pain in his chest felt familiar. He had been shot. They had been on that ship...Oh God, what happened to Natasha?

"Hey, you're up!" Sam smiled softly and handed him a glass of water. "Drink." Steve did as he was told because he was really thirsty. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"Where's Nat?" He managed to creak out.

Sam's face darkened. "What's the last thing you remember, Steve?"

"We were on that ship. Taking it back from the terrorists, saving the hostages." Flashes of the op were running through his mind. "HYDRA. They were there. They were on that ship."

"Yes. What else do you remember?"

"Sam, where is Natasha?" He started to panic and it showed on the ECG. "Is she okay? Why won't you answer me? Oh God, is she dead?!"

Sam's jaw was clenched. "No, she's not." He sounded bitter about that fact. He knew that Sam had been pissed about the whole Natalie Rushman thing but wishing Nat was dead was way over the fucking line. He wanted to tell Sam so but he kept talking. "She's the reason you're here. She shot you, Steve. They had to revive you on that ship! She almost killed you!"

"What?" He started to laugh and his chest hurt more. "That's ridiculous! She would never do that."

"She did. She shot you two times in the chest and according to Barton killed two other SHIELD agents from your team before she ran off with HYDRA."

"No! You're lying!" Sam was wrong. Natasha would never do something like this. Never!

Barton was suddenly in the room. "He's telling the truth, Rogers. I saw everything with my own eyes. She shot you and killed Matthews and Smith. She helped HYDRA escape and left with them."

"No!"

Barton walked over to his bed and dropped something on his nightstand. "She threw this at you after she shot you." He looked over and saw that it were his dog tags. Everything came back to him in that moment. She _did_ pull her gun on him and shot him two times. He fell to the ground and she was standing over him with cold eyes, ripped the dog tags off her neck and threw them into his face. _Oh God._

Barton sat down on the other chair next to his bed. "Look, I know this is all tough to process and you're healing from your injuries but I need your help, Rogers. Natasha didn't do this out of her own will. She loves you so much, she would never hurt you. I think that HYDRA brainwashed her when they tortured her in Moscow and I need to find her." He took a deep breath. "Fury couldn't stop them..." He ran a hand over his face. "The World Council has ordered every agent of every agency around the globe to kill her on sight."

"No! She didn't...No!" He didn't know what to do! He had to get out of here and help her! She was in danger, he had to protect her!

"She almost killed Captain America. They want her dead!" Barton sighed. He suddenly got very nauseous and Sam was almost not fast enough to get him a bucket for him to vomit in. "The first agent who sees her will put a bullet into her head."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

He discharged himself from the hospital against the doctors and Sam's advice but he honestly didn't give a fuck. Natasha needed him, he had to save her from HYDRA. He had to get to her before someone with a kill order did.

Clint was already working on finding Nat and disobeying Fury's orders but the Director didn't seem to mind and gave Barton full access to SHIELD's tracking database. One short call with Tony and he and JARVIS were hacking into every other agency around the globe to throw them off Nat's trail but so far no one had found her.

He felt like he did before the serum. He couldn't properly breathe and his heart was racing, he knew he couldn't get an asthma attack anymore but it felt like one. SHIELD had brought him to London after the incident on the ship and Tony let them stay at his townhouse here to come up with a plan. Sam pushed him down on a couch and changed his bandages and told him to get some rest. But he couldn't rest until Natasha was safe again.

He could see in Sam's eyes that he didn't completely believe that Natasha was brainwashed. "Just say it."

Sam looked up at him. "What?"

"You don't believe that Natasha was brainwashed. You think she was HYDRA this whole time."

"It wouldn't be the first time she was playing you." He sighed. "Look, I _don't_ want to be right but you have to admit that it's a possibility that she has everyone fooled for a long time."

"No." He shook his head. "I know her. She told me everything about her. She would have never hurt me. I know that she loves me."

"Steve-" Sam began but Clint came into the room with Tony and _Bucky_ in tow. What was he doing here? Was he free?

"Wilson, you seem like a nice guy but if you say shit like that again about Tasha I will break your face!" Clint growled with venom in his voice. "Tasha is not a fucking Nazi! They are forcing her to do this!" He pointed at Bucky. "He's the proof that they can make anyone do anything."

"Buck? How are you here now?"

"I've been granted amnesty and then Coulson told me to find Romanoff. I'm officially not here though." He smiled sadly at him and Steve wanted to cry. Bucky finally had his freedom but Natasha lost hers. "He and Tony told me everything. I'm so sorry, Stevie. We'll find her. We'll get her back to you."

"Does Coulson want her dead?" He asked quietly. He didn't think so but he wasn't sure.

"No, of course not. He told us to find her before someone else does. He knows that it wasn't really her in that moment who shot you."

"Speaking of which-" Tony spoke up and sat down on an armchair. "Doesn't Red have perfect aim?" He looked at Barton who nodded. "I read her file on the flight to here and all her scores were the highest next to yours, Legolas. She never misses her mark and yet-" Tony looked at him. "And yet here you are, still alive."

"They had to revive him!" Sam interjected and Clint glared at him.

"What are you saying, Tony?" Steve asked with wide eyes. Was he implying what he thought he was.

"All I'm saying is that I think that if Red really wanted you dead, you would be dead. Someone like her wouldn't miss your heart. Why didn't she go for your head? She's still in there, Steve. And I think you'll be the one to break her out of it."

Bucky nodded. "Yeah, you broke through my programming. You can break through hers." He smiled a little. "Your love will save her."

"I'm just surprised that Garner didn't realize that she was brainwashed. Didn't you say she was acting weird after Moscow?" Clint asked, deep in thought. "He's a specialist, he should have notice that."

"Garner didn't treat her. Bakshi did."

Clint raised his eyebrows. "She didn't talk to Andrew? He's the only SHIELD shrink she trusts. He was the only one of them who earned her trust after she deflected, the only one she opened up to. He never even told Fury what he and Tasha talked about...Why would she talk to some other dude?"

 _Oh God!_ "She was completely normal after her conversation with Bakshi in New York. Almost like Moscow never happened...HYDRA is everywhere..."

"Fuck!" Clint punched the wall next to him. "She was probably so weird because she was fighting unknowingly against her programming and then that ass fixed her so no one would get suspicious."

He buried his face in his hands. "She told me there was something rotten inside of her that wanted to get out...She practically told me what was going on and I didn't listen to her! This is all my fault! How could I not realize what HYDRA did to her?!"

"None of us noticed it. We just have to find her and save her before she gets killed." Bucky said in the comforting and deep voice he had used to calm him down when he had one of his asthma attacks back in the day. "She's smart, I don't think she will be found. Brainwashed or not. HYDRA doesn't want to lose her. She's a valuable asset to them now."

"Did she mention anything else to you, Rogers?" Clint asked with hope in his voice.

He racked his brain but couldn't think of anything. "I don't think so. Sorry." But he couldn't shake the feeling he was missing something important. He looked at the three men before him. "So are you helping me save her?"

"Of course." Bucky nodded. "Without her, I would still be the Winter Soldier."

"I'm in." Tony smirked. "I'd love to kick some Nazi ass and help Spangles save his one true love."

Sam sighed. "If you all are right and she's really brainwashed and I didn't believe her...Then I have to help her."

"Do you even have to ask me, Cap? You know-" Clint laughed a little. "Fury always had this dream about having a special task force called the Avengers to deal with threats no one else could. Hill always joked that he just wanted to form them so Tasha would have some friends. Looks like she's the reason after all we're coming together now."

He looked at his three friends and smiled a little. He felt a lot more hopeful now. Together they could find her. And bring her home.

* * *

They told him to get some sleep while they would look for Natasha. Tony was tailing Bakshi and hacked into his phone and WiFi to hopefully find something. He wanted to help them but Bucky forcefully reminded him that he needed to save his strength if he wanted to save Natasha. Getting her back would be one hell of a fight. His chest still hurt but the serum was working and he wouldn't feel any pain in one or two days. He still really couldn't believe that she shot him. He didn't remember much of what had happened on that ship but he thought that he would never forget the cold look in her eyes. She always looked at him with so much love and warmth in her eyes.

He got up from the couch to get to his duffel bag and pulled his leather jacket out. The Polaroid of her was still in his inside pocket and he stared at her tracing her face with his fingers. He would kill anyone who had something to do with this. Anyone who did this to her.

The door opened and Clint was leaning against the door frame.

"You found her?"

He shook his head. "No, I wanted to talk to you in private." He came in and sat down on one of the couches. Steve did the same. "Look, things will be tough after we get her back. She was really bad when she joined SHIELD and now...after almost killing you...I don't see how she could recover from that...And on top of that...She might have to hide for the rest of her life."

"What do you mean? None of this is her fault! We explain everything, show them proof...She's innocent. And I forgive her! I'm not mad at her for shooting me. It's not her fault. I know she would never hurt me!"

Clint smiled sadly. "This isn't so much about you but her. Would you forgive yourself if the roles were reversed? If you were the one who almost killed her?" His heart sank. Clint was right, he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he'd ever hurt her. "And Natasha was never really popular in DC. Maybe we can stop the kill order but I'm sure a lot of politicians want to see her at least in prison."

"No!" He jumped off the couch. "No! I'll talk to them! I will tell them that I will walk away from everything, give up the shield if they do that. We move away, leave the States, start somewhere new where no one knows us."

"Steve, how much do you love Natasha?"

"More than anything. She's the love of my life."

He smiled but he looked sad. "And you're willing to throw your life away for her? Stop being Captain America for her? Leave your home country for good?"

"Yes." He said immediately. Nothing was more important than Natasha. _Nothing_.

"Good, because chances are high that you'll have to."

"I don't care."

Clint put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a light squeeze. "Looks like Tasha found the right guy for her. But I need to warn you, once we get her back and deprogrammed her, she will do anything to push you away. Try to make you leave her thinking she is protecting you that way."

"I won't let her."

"Attaboy." Clint smiled and he felt like he just gave him his blessing to be with Natasha. If it had only happened under different circumstances.

Tony ran in the room. "I think I found something. Come!" He ran out of the room and they followed him. "Okay, so I checked Bakshi's phone calls and texts and he has frequent contact with a Madame R."

"Romanoff?" Sam asked.

Tony shook his head. "I don't think so. The calls started months before Natasha was taken. It took me some time but I could pinpoint the location of Madame R of the last weeks. Moscow."

"You think Madame R is behind Natasha's abduction?"

"Yup. JARVIS is going through the traffic and security cams trying to find matches within the SHIELD database. Maybe SHIELD already knows Madame R's face."

He looked at the screen where countless of photos were appearing and disappearing and he didn't think he would have been able to make out any faces without the serum. Wait, he'd seen that face before! "Stop! JARVIS, please show the last photo!"

The AI did and his eyes widened. "That woman looks like Natasha in 30 years from now!" Sam gasped next to him.

"That's her mother."

"Cap, Tasha's mom is dead."

"I thought so too, but Natasha described her once to me so I could draw her and that's her face. That is her mother. That's Madame R. Madame Romanoff or Romanova, who knows." He remembered when Nat had been delirious in Kongo. "She even told me about her. Warned me about her." All eyes were on him. "We were on a mission and she had an infected wound...I thought she was hallucinating but she started babbling about her mother. That she was evil and that she wouldn't let her hurt me." He buried his face in his hands. "She had been telling me the truth for weeks and I was too blind to realize it."

"Mama Romanoff orders her daughter to kill her own boyfriend? I thought my dad was an ass." Tony mumbled and started to type something into the computer. "Maybe she's still in Moscow. I don't think she's in a position to travel much around with everyone thinking she's dead. We should check it out. Maybe Red is there too."

Steve nodded and left the room to suit up. Natasha had said that she wanted to kill her mother but no one should be forced to kill their own parent. He would kill her mother for Natasha.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

They were on their sides laying on his bed so close to each other that their noses almost touched. Nat was wearing one of his hoodies and nothing else and he was well aware of the fact that she had stolen five of his hoodies by now but he didn't care. He would give all of them to her if she asked him to. Her small hand was on his cheek and she was smiling softly at him giving him brief kisses every other minute. His hand was under the hoodie stroking her smooth skin. He couldn't get enough of the way she was looking at him, her green eyes were somehow even greener and full of love.

She traced her finger over his nose and lips. "You're so beautiful, Steve. And so kind. You're the best man I've ever met. How could you have fallen in love with me? I'm everything you're not." She looked down and he tilted her chin.

"Hey, don't talk like that. You are everything I could ever want. You are such a good person and it breaks my heart that you don't see it." His hand under her hoodie moved to her waist to pull her flush against him. "You are so much more than they made you out to be. You are so strong and so kind. You are perfect. You are the most amazing person I've ever met. Of course I fell in love with you." He kissed her softly and he felt her body relax and she clung to him. "You are my soulmate. My heart." He kissed her again. "My girl."

She beamed and kissed him deeply. "Yes, that's who I am now." She kissed him again and her kiss almost felt desperate. "I'm your girl. Never forget that. That's who I want to be, no matter what they'll make me do. All I wanted was to be with you. But you didn't save me." She flipped him onto his back and straddled his waist. He didn't know what was happening. What did she mean by he didn't save her? He wanted to ask her but he suddenly felt a knife pressing into his throat. The love in her eyes was gone and she was staring at him with coldness and blood lust. "I'm going to kill you and it's all your fault. How could you let them do this to me?"

The knife went deeper into his throat and he felt blood running down his skin. Natasha's eyes never left his and she almost looked gleefully.

"Steve! Steve!" Someone shook him by the shoulder. "Wake up! We're here!" He opened his eyes and was looking at Bucky. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. His heart was racing and he tried to calm down. It was just a dream. His hand went automatically to his throat but of course there was nothing. It was just a dream.

He got up from the cot in the back of the quinjet and put his shield on his back. He wanted to leave immediately the jet and search for Nat but he knew that it would be unwise. Since Sam's face was unknown to HYDRA, they agreed that he would walk around Moscow checking out the few leads they had while they were waiting in the shadows as back up. Tony was still looking for Natasha worldwide and trying to hack into a server he was positive belonged to HYDRA since Bakshi's WiFi had been connected to it quite often. They planned to look for Bakshi if Moscow didn't get them any closer to Nat. The scum bag hadn't shown up to work since Steve got shot and he tried to remember if he had been on the ship but his memory was still foggy. He wasn't sure if Natasha's cries echoing through his mind were real or just a hallucination. Had she been in trance this whole time since she got back or did she got triggered on that ship? And if so how? With words? What was her trigger?

"Stevie?" Bucky asked softly and he could see the compassion in his eyes. "How are you?" Steve watched how Tony was staring at his screen while Clint was typing on his phone.

"I don't know. I keep waiting to wake up and realize that this was all just a bad dream. That Nat's still with me. What if we can't save her?" He whispered quietly. "What if it's too late?"

"We'll save her. _You_ 'll save her. I know that. You're the most stubborn son of a bitch that I've ever met. I know you won't stop until your girl is safe."

"Do you think she'll move on from this?"

"I...I don't know. I can see how much she loves you. I think when she realizes what she has done...She's gonna need you, Steve. You're gonna have to be there for her."

He nodded. "Always."

Bucky smiled a little. "That's my punk."

* * *

Moscow was a bust. Her mother wasn't here and neither was Natasha. Tony managed to track down Bakshi in Paris and they immediately left Russia to get there. He couldn't wait to beat the shit out of that bastard. Claiming to help Natasha and then doing this to her.

They were over Germany when Clint looked at them with a clenched jaw. "Fury has reason to believe that Pierce is HYDRA."

"What?" Sam asked incredulously. "The Secretary? Isn't he a liberal who turned down the Nobel Peace Prize?"

Clint scoffed. "Yeah, but he's the one who sent Natasha to East Europe where she got captured. Went over Fury's head with that mission and apparently there is this secret SHIELD operation called Insight that Fury wants to put on hold until they found every mole and Pierce told him to keep going."

"What's Insight?"

"No clue. Fury wouldn't tell me but he starts to think that Pierce is not one of the good guys and that HYDRA wants Insight to launch. Fury just told me that this operation would change the world and make the fight against terrorism much easier."

Steve groaned. World security was never easy. He already knew he wouldn't like Operation Insight. Tony told them that he would try to find something about Insight in the SHIELD database.

"Fury's talking behind Pierce's back to the World Council to get them to stop Insight but I have a hunch that if he succeeds Tasha and her mom will come to DC to make sure the operation continues."

Clint had a point but he hoped it wouldn't come to that and Bakshi was in Paris to meet Natasha and her mother and he could save the love of his life and make sure that no one would ever make her do something against her will.

Tony managed to locate Bakshi's phone outside out of Paris at an old chalet that kind of reminded him of the mansion Natasha was kept at in Moscow. Was she here? Maybe her mother had a thing for old and luxurious villas. They landed the quinjet in the forest near the chalet and waited for the night so the darkness would keep them hidden. Clint already left saying that he needed a nest and Steve was pretty sure that he was sitting in one of those tall trees observing the chalet for movement.

Steve thought back to the last time he had been in Paris while they waited for the sun to go down. It had been right after he found out that Natalie Rushman was really Natasha Romanoff and he remembered how furious he had been with her and that he had let all of his anger out on her when they had sex after he ran into her in the elevator. He had apologized several times for his behavior when they got back together but Natasha had assured him that she had like it and they could have rougher sex from time to time. God, how mad he had been back then. He had tried to hate her so bad, thinking that everything she had told him was a lie. And here he was now months later, back in Paris hellbent on saving her because he knew her love was no lie and he had to bring her back.

"Bakshi just stepped out on one of the balconies. He looks nervous, almost scared. I've never seen anyone smoke so much cigarettes in so little time." Clint informed him over the comms. "Something or someone must make him really uncomfortable."

"You think they're here?"

"I haven't seen Tasha or her mother yet but I think that at least one of them is here. I can just feel it." Clint answered before he went silent again.

Please God, let her be here and let me save her!

Tony found out in the mean time what Project Insight was really about and he didn't really like what he was seeing. Killing people before they even committed a crime was wrong. That wasn't freedom, it was fear. Just pressing a button and hundreds of people getting wiped out without any trial or anything. It was wrong and definitely something that HYDRA would want to have to wipe out their enemies.

"Can you shut this whole thing down, Tony?"

"Not without any direct access to the helicarriers. But I have an idea..." Tony said and began typing again. "I told Rhodey to get his ass to DC to talk to Fury. I'm sure the guy had some kind of safety switch built in. Maybe War Machine can help him."

Steve nodded and prayed that the sun would go down soon. Another hour passed while they waited and then the sun was finally set.

"Guys!" Clint's voice was in his ear again. "I just saw her! Tasha's here!"

His heart was beating wildly in his chest and he tried to calm himself. He had to think straight to save her. He couldn't just storm in and act on impulse. Tony and Sam flew to the chalet hovering over it while he and Bucky ran silently through the forest to get there. He felt bad for pulling his best friend into it, having him face HYDRA but they needed every man they could get on this mission.

"Heat signature tells me that twelve people are in there." Tony said and he looked at Bucky who nodded and Clint suddenly dropped to the floor next to them.

"Okay, Buck, Clint and I go in while you and Sam stay in the sky keeping your eyes open in case someone tries to flee. Those people are evidence that HYDRA is still here, we need them." He took a deep breath and gave Clint and Bucky the signal and they walked over the grass to the house. Clint picked the lock for them and they were in. He didn't think they tripped a silent alarm off but they had to be careful so they wouldn't get surprised.

"Tasha was upstairs." Clint whispered. "You go up and look for her, Cap. Barnes and I cover the ground here."

He nodded and sneaked up the stairs looking for Natasha. He already knew that it wouldn't be easy to get her to break through the program. The easiest way would be to knock her out and to take her somewhere safe and hidden to get her back. He didn't want to hurt her but he knew that he had to knock her out. What had Natasha called it when they were searching for Bucky? _Cognitive recalibration._

He was carefully walking up the stairs and pressing himself against the wall when he reached the first floor. He didn't want Natasha to shoot him again. His wounds weren't fully healed yet but the adrenaline running through his veins made the pain disappear. He checked the first room but it was empty. The next three were also empty and he was heading for the next one when he heard the wooden floor slightly creaking behind him. He whisked around and came face to face with Natasha's mother. She didn't appear to be armed but also didn't look worried that he was here.

"Where is she?"

"I wondered if you would come for her. I assume you figured out who I am?"

"Where is Natasha?"

"Home. My daughter is home. Tell me, what would you do for her? Natalia is the future of HYDRA, would you join us to be with her?"

"She's not HYDRA!"

Her mother gave him a friendly smile. It freaked him out. "Of course she is. She always has been. And now she's ready to lead us. What would you do for my child? Do you truly love her? Would you die for her, Captain Rogers? I have to say I was very disappointed when I heard that you didn't die. I had to punish my daughter for that. You know how painful that is for a mother?"

What the fuck was wrong with this woman? Did she really wanted his pity for torturing her own child? "What did you do to her?"

That monster was still smiling. "That is none of your business. I just gave her a permanent reminder of where she belongs." She stepped closer to him. "Do you wanna see her?"

"Don't come any closer." He warned and got his shield from his back. He was really tempted to throw it at her with full force to decapitate her but that was too brutal. That woman was still the mother of Natasha.

"Natalia, darling!" She singsonged. "Please come to your mother!"

Natasha came out of the room that he had wanted to check when her mother showed up. She had a black eye, chipped lip and it was like she was looking right through him. "Yes, mother?"

"Do you remember this young man?" Her mother pointed at him and Natasha looked at him for the first time. Her eyes were empty and cold. It was like Natasha was gone and just her shell was standing before him. He wanted to scream.

"Nat?" He whispered softly. "It's me, sweetheart."

"I don't know this man, who is he?" She said emotionless.

"He was your target and you failed your mission. You were supposed to kill him but he's obviously not dead." Her mother chided her like she just caught Natasha with her hand in a cookie jar. God, that woman was a psychopath.

"Nat, go back in that room." He said calmly. "I don't want you to see what happens next."

Her mother laughed. "You're gonna kill the mother of the woman you claim to love? That's not very Captain America of you."

"Captain America..." Natasha whispered and tilted her head at him.

"Yes, Natalia. Kill him!"

Something happened inside Natasha and she launched herself at him. He shook her off and pinned her to the ground. "Nat, it's me Steve. I love you and you love me. This isn't really you. You have to fight this. I love you!"

She kneed him between his legs and he yelled up in pain. "Love is for children." She dived under the table next to them and came back with a gun in her handd. She shot at him and he barely managed to hold up his shield to dodge the bullet. He used the shield to knock the gun out of her hand, Natasha snarled and used the table as support to jump on his shoulders trying to strangle him with her thighs. He let himself fall to the floor and managed to get out of her hold, he saw out of the corner of his eyes that her mother was watching them.

"Kill him, Natalia!"

"I'm sorry." He whispered and smacked her head against the table but she didn't lose consciousness and grabbed the tablecloth in one swift movement and wrapped it around his throat before he could react and started to strangle him with all of her strength.

"Nat, stop it." He choked out. "Fight it! I know you're still in there... You didn't kill me on that ship, you're still in there... You're still my girl..."

"Liar!" She hissed and strangled him harder. He snapped his head back and could hear bones cracking. He was positive that he had broken her nose. He stumbled to his feet and saw the blood running out of her nose. He felt sick to his stomach for doing this to her. He had broken his girlfriend's nose, he was a monster. She wiped the blood off with the back of her hand and and looked at him with rage in her eyes. "You're gonna pay for this, asshole!" She hissed, punched his chin and he stumbled back.

"I love you, Nat." He pleaded with her. "Please remember me. You love me, Natasha. You're my girl. My everything. The love of my life. I wanna marry you some day!" She looked at him with big eyes and he saw this as his opening. "You told me that I was the love of your life. Remember the first time you told me you loved me? You bought a home planetarium and we were laying on your living room floor looking at the ceiling, doll! I love you!"

Natasha blinked at few times. "I...Wha-...Steve?"

"Kill him, Natalia! Remember your mission! Kill him!" Her mother screamed and came closer. "Kill him! Finish your mission!"

Natasha blinked again and her eyes were cold again. "Right. Finish it." She muttered under her breath and picked up her gun. Before he could really process what was happening Natasha pulled the gun on her mother and shot her in the head. She looked at him with tears in her eyes and then ran away.

"We got Bakshi!" Clint was suddenly in his ear. "How is it going upstairs?"

"Not now!" He barked back and ran after Natasha. Did she break through the program? Was she back? "Natasha, wait!"

She ignored him and ran up the stairs and through a door. He followed her and they both ended up on the roof of the chalet where a helicopter was. Fuck, she wanted to flee! She jumped into the chopper and started it. He ran towards it and jumped up grabbing the skid of the helicopter. He clearly didn't think this through because his feet were dangling in the air. He was about to climb up when someone grabbed his ankle.

"Jesus, Steve!" Bucky groaned. "I know you wanna be romantic and shit but that's just dumb!" He looked down and Bucky was holding onto the roof and him, keeping Nat from flying off. Tony showed up in his Iron Man suit and held onto his other ankle bringing the chopper back down. Tony blasted the blade of the helicopter away and Nat had no way to fly off with it now. He saw how she got out of the chopper on the other side and then ran to the edge of the roof and jumped.

"No!" He screamed and barely noticed how Tony flew after her but Sam appeared over the edge of the roof with a squirming Natasha in his arms. He thanked Tony a thousand times in his mind for making Sam new wings after he had heard about Sam's missions in Afghanistan. Sam let Natasha drop onto the floor because she started to punch and kick him and Steve only realized now that she was crying and sobbing. She was back and she seemed broken. She curled herself into a ball and her cries grew louder.

"Natasha?" He asked softly.

"No! Stay away!" She sobbed. "I remember. I remember _everything_."

Lights were suddenly lightening up the roof and it seemed like it was day again. "Stand down, Romanoff!" A male voice echoed through the air. Fuck, they found her. How did authorities know that she was here? Remembering that they had a kill order, he threw himself on her covering her body with his. They had to kill him first. "Step away, Captain Rogers! We don't wanna hurt you."

"Listen guys." Tony suddenly said. "I don't _want_ to blow up your choppers but I also have no problem with doing it so don't do anything stupid!"

"We are giving orders by the President to arrest Agent Romanoff. We are not here to kill her."

Natasha had been silent during the whole thing but now she was speaking very quietly. "Let them take me."

"No!"

"Please, Steve. Please. If you love me, then you'll let them arrest me. Please."

He closed his eyes, weighing his options. Natasha needed professional help and he couldn't get her that if they were on the run. Clint said they had Bakshi, they found this HYDRA base, maybe this was enough evidence. "I do love you and I will do everything to help you. And I forgive you." He whispered and got off of her. Natasha stumbled to her feet and another chopper was landing on the roof.

A dark haired man in a military uniform was walking towards them. "I'm General Talbot." He introduced himself. "I take it you're surrendering yourself, Agent Romanoff?"

"Yes." She said and held her hands out. Talbot handcuffed her and one of his man put gyve around her ankles. Natasha didn't look at him and followed Talbot and his man into the chopper where they put a bag over her head.

"You just let them take her"? Bucky asked him.

"It's the only way to help her. To clear her name and to stop HYDRA."

"What if that guy is HYDRA?"

"Then it's a good thing I put a tracer on his chopper while he arrested Natasha." Tony said with a smirk on his face." We'll follow them as soon as they left Paris so they don't get suspicious."

He nodded and watched how the chopper took off praying that he had made the right call and not signed Natasha's death sentence.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Steve had plans for the future. He wanted to ask Natasha near the end of the year again if she wanted to move in with him and then next year he wanted to go down on one knee and ask her to marry him. His future was Natasha and he wasn't so sure anymore if she would be in it all. Either because she was locked away or because she didn't want to be in his life anymore.

They followed Talbot's helicopter to the Bretagne to a secret underground base. It took some time but he was finally let in since he worked for SHIELD. The others weren't allowed in and returned to the States because Fury could use their help with stopping Project Insight.

Steve wasn't allowed to see Natasha and had to wait in a conference room. What was he supposed to do now? He had to get her a lawyer. And a psychiatrist. He had to get Dr. Garner for her. Would she stay here? Would they transfer her to the Fridge? And why did they stop the kill order?

The door opened and Hill walked in. What was she doing here? Was she here to get Natasha out? "Hey, Rogers. How is it going?"

"You really have to ask?"

She handed him a cup of coffee. "Thought you could use that."

He nodded his thanks. "What's gonna happen now? Why didn't they kill her on sight?"

"Didn't you cover her with your body?" Hill asked with the ghost of a smile. "There's no way they were gonna kill Captain America. The kill order was stopped by the President."

"The President?"

Hill was now fully smiling. "Did you know that Mrs. Fury and the First Lady play tennis together? One phone call and Mrs. Ellis talked to her husband who changed the order into an arrest."

"Ha, I guess I owe LaTanya now." He would kiss the woman if she was here right now.

"Fury's hands were bound but not LaTanya's." Hill smirked. "You know that Natasha is like a daughter to the Furys? This was the first time Fury shared confidential information with his wife. To save Natasha's life." He thought back to Oksana Romanova who had been a monster and didn't deserve to be called Natasha's mother. Hill threw a file on the table. "This is the medical examination. She has cuts on her body, a broken nose-" Yeah, that was his fault. He still couldn't believe he had broken his girlfriend's nose. "And...Please, don't freak out, Steve." He looked at her with furrowed eyebrows. Hill had never used his first name before. She took a deep breath and opened the file. "They branded her." He looked at the file and got sick. The HYDRA symbol was branded on her lower back, Oksana had said that she had given Natasha a permanent reminder of where she belonged. "We have methods to remove the scars. It will look like it was never there."

"Her _mother_ -" He said the word with disgust and punched a hole in the wooden table. "She did that to her."

"Shit." Hill mumbled and sat down. "What a fucking bitch." He nodded, he couldn't agree more. He wished she was still alive so he could choke her to death with his own hands. "There's another problem..."

"What?"

"Romanoff is offered a deal. She gets immunity if she gives names and intel on HYDRA."

Immunity? She would walk free? Thank God! "What's the problem there?"

"She gave them everything she knows but she didn't sign the deal. She wants to get prosecuted. She told Talbot to throw her into the Raft. I don't even know how she knows about this prison. It's topsecret."

"Can I talk to her? Please? Let me just talk to her!"

Hill sighed. "She doesn't want to see you and you're not allowed to see her anyway. I try to talk her out of it but...I don't know...She's pretty set on going to prison." She stood up again. "I see what I can do about you visiting her, okay?"

"Thank you, Hill."

She gave him a small smile and left.

* * *

He didn't know how long he had been here but a lot of things happened outside. Tony, Bucky, Clint and Sam helped Fury stop Project Insight, a helicarrier was now in the Potomac, Pierce was HYDRA and dead (killed by Fury), and people everywhere were getting arrested. He only heard that Natasha's information was very valuable and the world now knew that HYDRA was still out there.

General Talbot walked into the conference room and threw a key card on the table. "This will give you access to our prison floor. Maybe you can talk some sense into Romanoff. She's free to go but she doesn't want to leave and my people are too afraid of her to get her out of there. And Hill is on her fucking phone all the time."

He took the key card and ran to the prison floor. He almost knocked a few soldiers out of his way but he didn't really care. He had to see her. He had to get her out of here and take her some place where she could heal.

The door to her cell was open but she was still inside, sitting on her cot with her back to him and probably staring at the wall.

"Natasha?"

No answer. She didn't even move an inch.

"Natasha, sweetheart?"

This time she did move and flinched at the endearment. He tried not to think about that and walked slowly into her cell. "Talbot told me that you don't want to leave." She didn't say anything nor did she turn around. "Natasha, let's go home."

"What home?" She whispered quietly still with her back to him. "I have no home. I destroyed it the second I put two bullets into your chest."

He came closer fighting the urge to just hug her against his chest. "You still have a home. You'll always have one with me. What happened wasn't your fault. You were forced to do those things."

"It doesn't matter. I'm still the one who pulled the trigger. I almost killed you." She was still staring at the wall. "I could do it again. Right now. I'm still brainwashed."

"We'll get someone to help you. Natasha, please look at me." She didn't but he kept talking. "I forgive you. I am not mad at you for what you did. I love you, Natasha. Nothing can change that. _Nothing._ "

"Please go. Just go!" She started crying but he didn't leave. He kneeled down, wrapped his arms around her and pressed her against his chest. Natasha's cries grew louder and he thought she would push him away but her fingers dug into his back and she cried into his shirt. He didn't know how long they stayed like that but he just held her and pressed kisses on top of her head. They didn't talk but he hoped that Natasha would leave here with him.

A knock on the door startled them both. He looked over his shoulder and saw Hill standing at the door frame. "I'm sorry to interrupt but Professor Xavier is here."

"Who?" He asked but Natasha slipped out of his embrace and nodded at Hill.

"I'm ready." She wiped her tears away. "You need to leave for this now, Steve." She looked at him for the first time and the sadness and pain in her eyes were almost killing him.

"What?"

"I'm here to help Miss Romanoff." A male voice said and he turned around to see an old man in a wheelchair. "To make sure that no one can ever make her do something against her will again." He smiled softly at Natasha. "Are you ready, my dear?"

She nodded. "Please go now, Steve. He's a friend. He's the only one that can help me."

"Okay." He kissed her forehead and felt Natasha tense. He left the room and Hill closed the cell door behind him. "Who is that man exactly?"

"He's a telepath. HYDRA used one to brainwash her and Professer Xavier is going to remove those triggers."

Right, telepaths. Aliens were real and gods. Why not telepaths. "And we can trust him?"

"Yes, one hundred percent. He's going to help Romanoff."

* * *

Xavier spent hours with Natasha and he was informed that she was sleeping now. Talbot seemed unhappy that she was still here but Hill glared at him and he kept his opinions to himself. Clint called him to ask him about Natasha and seemed relieved when he told him that Charles Xavier removed her triggers.

Steve was more than surprised when Coulson, Dr. Garner and LaTanya Fury showed up at the base. Coulson told him that they would take Natasha to a safe house near by where Garner would work with her. He almost punched Coulson when he told him that he wasn't allowed to stay at the safe house but that SHIELD would book him a room close by. He also told him that SHIELD was in chaos since HYDRA's reveal and Fury couldn't leave DC even though he wanted to.

"Hey, Steve."

"Mrs. Fury." He nodded politely. He wanted to thank her for saving Nat's life-

"Please, call me LaTanya." And then she hugged him and he broke down. He barely noticed how Coulson and Garner left the room to give them privacy. "Get it all out, boy." And he did and he cried into her shoulder while LaTanya rubbed his back in a soothing manner. He should be embarrassed but LaTanya was so kind and he had been so scared in the last days. He still was.

"Is she going to be okay?" He mumbled into her shoulder.

"Of course. It's just gonna take time. You love her, don't you?" He nodded against her shoulder. "Love's stronger than anything, dear. She'll be okay. She's so strong." She made him look at her. "I heard that Natasha killed that bitch?"

"Yes, shot her in the head."

"Good."

LaTanya comforted him a little bit more but then left to talk to Natasha. An hour later to his surprise Natasha showed up in the conference room telling Coulson that she was ready to leave for the safe house. He was so relieved. That meant she didn't want to go to prison, right? Coulson nodded and left with Garner the room to get everything ready.

"Are you coming with us?" She asked him in a small voice.

"I'm not allowed to see you during your stay."

"Oh."

"Do you want me to come with you? I can stay at a hotel so you know I'm close by."

"I don't know. I think I do but I don't think I'm allowed to want you close by." She mumbled and seemed so small in his hoodie. She didn't have that on when he had seen her in her cell. Did LaTanya went to her apartment to get clothes for her before she came to France?

"Then I'm coming with you." He stepped closer to her. "You will get through this. And don't forget that I love you. And I will wait for you. And I'm here for you."

"I am sorry." She whispered and reached for his hands. "I am so very sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He drew circles with his thumbs over the back of her hands. "I know that you would never hurt me out of your free will."

She cupped his face and he leaned down so she could kiss him. He thought it was a good sign that she wanted to kiss him. She closed her eyes and he did the same-

"Oh, I'm sorry." Coulson interrupted them looking slightly embarrassed. "But we're ready to leave now. I'm sorry but you can't come with us, Captain Rogers. A driver will bring you to your hotel later today."

He clenched his jaw. Great, they really didn't want him to know where that safe house was. What, did they think he would try to sneak into her room? Well, he would have tried to break her out if she was unhappy there. "I understand."

"I'll see you, Steve." She patted his cheek and then left with Coulson.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

He had been stuck at this hotel for ten days now. He had no contact to Natasha and he was slowly losing his mind. Was she okay? Was she getting better? LaTanya only once called him to tell him to look for a cottage at a beach here so Natasha could stay there after Dr. Garner was done with her. She didn't mention if Natasha wanted him to stay there with her. He found a nice two bedroom cottage with ocean view and rented it. He bought clothes for her because he didn't think that LaTanya brought that much for Nat when she came to France.

Bucky was now fully working for SHIELD and helping them shut down HYDRA cells. SHIELD's personal shrunk down significally after HYDRA was discovered. Fury only had a few people he trusted now and called Steve to tell him to make sure that Natasha would get better soon. He wasn't so sure if she even still wanted to work for SHIELD anymore or if they would even let her. Fury seemed to want her back but there was still that fucking World Council that had wanted her dead. One member had contacted him to tell him that they were sorry and that they hadn't known what Natasha personally meant to him.

Another five days had passed when LaTanya finally called him to tell him to pack his things and rent a car so he could pick up Natasha to take her to that cottage.

"Does she want me there?" He asked quietly.

LaTanya chuckled. "Yes, she does. Even though she doesn't admit it because she doesn't think she gets to want that."

"Of course she can want that. I want that. I...I miss her so much."

"She misses you too."

He hung up after LaTanya finally told him the address and quickly packed his things and the clothes he bought for Natasha. He only realized that his birthday was in five days when he checked his phone for messages. Not that it mattered, the only thing that mattered was Natasha.

Natasha was sitting on the stairs when he drove up the lane to the safe house. Next to her were a suitcase and duffel bag. She seemed unsure when she looked up at him and he noticed that she was wearing his hoodie over her summer dress.

He got out of the car and walked to her not really knowing how to greet her. Should he hug her, was he allowed to kiss her?

She stood up and gave him a small smile. "Hi."

"Hey." He smiled back and waited for her to initiate any body contact. But she didn't. She grabbed her suitcase and duffel bag and walked to the car. He took them out of her hands and put them in the trunk. "Shouldn't we say goodbye to Coulson, Garner and LaTanya?" He really wanted to thank LaTanya for everything in person.

"They left an hour ago." Oh. She opened the passenger door. "Are you really okay with being alone with me? I can understand if you're not..." She trailed off and stared at the window of the car door.

"Of course I am, Nat. I'm actually looking forward to. I missed you so much."

"Okay." She climbed into the SUV and he got into the driver's seat. "I missed you too." She admitted quietly when he started the engine. He smiled to himself. Baby steps.

* * *

She didn't say it but he could tell that she wanted to sleep in separate rooms. He ached to feel her in his arms again but he would give her all the space she would need. They didn't talk much. She didn't tell him about her stay at the safe house and he didn't ask her. They both never talked about HYDRA or Oksana.

She joined him on his morning runs and they explored the area together. She would often go alone to the beach where she would sit for hours. He watched her from the kitchen window still fearing that HYDRA would come for her.

It was their third day at the cottage when she came back from the beach and he was making dinner for them. "My mother was the one who suggested me for the Red Room." He stopped cutting the mushrooms and turned around. He already figured that she had something to do with Natasha getting taken by the Red Room. "She never loved my father and only used him to get pregnant. He died the night Karpov came for me because he tried to protect me. I told her what they did to me. That they tortured and raped me but she didn't care. Only said that it made me stronger. What mother doesn't care that her daughter was raped?!" She sat down on the kitchen chair and buried her face in her hands. "She thought it was funny that I would be the one to kill you. She branded me after my mission failed, you know." She looked up at him.

"I know. I saw the photos."

"The symbol is removed. She looked so happy when she branded me. She was a monster...What if I'm like her?"

He kneeled down before her and placed his hands on her knees. "You're not. You are nothing like that woman. You are so good and so kind. She tried to break you but she didn't succeed. You are the strongest person I know."

Her small hands moved to cover his big ones. "I'm still scared that I'll hurt you. I know that my triggers and the program are removed but the fear is still here."

"I'm not scared. You'll never hurt me, Nat. I trust you. More than anyone. Even more than Bucky."

She blinked her tears away. "What are you making for dinner?"

The moment was over, she didn't want to talk about it anymore. And he would respect that. "Risotto with mushrooms."

"You want some help?" He nodded and they both got up to make dinner.

* * *

They talked more now. She sometimes told him about HYDRA and her stay at the safe house or they would talk about the movie they watched or about something completely meaningless. They hadn't kissed yet or even hugged but she did lean her head on his shoulder when they had watched TV tonight.

He was in bed but he couldn't sleep. He was staring at his dog tags on his nightstand and listening to the ocean outside. He still hadn't found the guts to ask her if she wanted to wear them again. They still hadn't talked about what would happen with them. Were they even still a real couple?

The door opened suddenly and Natasha came in. She padded over the wooden floor and stopped in front of his bed. "Can I?"

"Of course, Nat. You know you can." He pulled the blankets back and Natasha slipped under them. "Everything ok-" He didn't come any further because she was suddenly leaning over him ripping his shirt apart. She stared at his chest and it took him a minute to realize that she was looking at where she had shot him. Her fingers were trembling when she traced the spots where scars would have been if it weren't for his serum. "Natasha?"

Her palm pressed into the place over his heart. "I'll never let anyone hurt you again, Steve. Including me." What did that mean? Was she breaking up with him?! "I'll do whatever it takes to protect you."

"Na-" Her lips on his stopped him from saying her name. Her kiss was desperate and urgent and he kissed her back with everything he had. He rolled them so he was on top and her hands roamed over his back while she pushed her tongue into his mouth.

She pulled away after a few minutes completely out of breath. "I love you. I love you so much, Steve. And I'm sorry I let this happen to us."

He brushed her hair behind her ear. "I love you, too. So much, sweetheart. And I am sorry I didn't realize what was going on with you. I'll never let anyone take you away from me again."

She grabbed his hair and pulled him back down to kiss him. God, he had missed her so much. He had missed this so much. She wrapped her leg around his waist and he groaned when his hard length brushed against her center. He didn't know how far she wanted to take this tonight and he didn't want to make her uncomfortable. She started to roll her hips and moaned into his mouth. "Steve, please."

He looked into her eyes. "Are you sure? We don't have to."

"I know but I want to. I want you." She took his hand and shoved it gently into her panties and he could feel how much she wanted him. He moaned at how wet she was for him. He got her out of her (his) shirt and panties and wanted to kiss his way down her body to pleasure her with his mouth but she grabbed his beard and pulled him up. "Later." She breathed out and pushed his briefs with her feet down. "I want you in me." God, he wanted that too. She moved her hips until he was at her entrance and he pressed slowly into her making sure not to hurt her. God, it felt so good every single time. Natasha moaned and kissed him. He pushed into her until he was buried in her to the hilt and gave her time to get used to his size again. It had been some time since they've had sex. Natasha bucked her hips and he started to move thrusting into her with Natasha meeting him halfway. It didn't take them long to reach their climax almost at the same time.

Natasha was still panting and smiling up at him. "Happy Birthday, Steve."

He checked the clock on his nightstand and it was past midnight. "Thank you, doll." He kissed the top of her nose.

They were making love again and again until they fell asleep. He woke up the next morning to an empty bed but he noticed that his dog tags weren't on his nightstand anymore. He smiled and sat up against the headboard. The door opened and Natasha came in with breakfast. "Good morning, birthday boy."

"Morning, sweetheart. Best birthday I've ever had." He grinned and enjoyed the sight of Natasha in his shirt with tousled hair. He saw the chain of his dog tags disappearing under the neckline of the shirt. She smiled back and placed the tray on the bed.

"I made you breakfast. Nothing fancy though, sorry. Only eggs and toast. And coffee."

"It's perfect. Thanks, doll." He cupped her face and kissed her. "I love you."

"I love you, too." She kissed him again and then joined him in bed for breakfast. She seemed a bit ashamed that she didn't have a present for him but having her back in his arms was already the best present anyone could have gotten him.

* * *

They spent the summer in Europe, exploring the continent, staying at luxurious hotels, driving along the Mediterran Sea, growing closer again. He watched how Natasha got better everyday and returned to her old self. She was still talking to Garner from time to time but their phone calls happened less and less. Bucky joined Coulson's team and helped them hunt down HYDRA. They met with him in Athens and he felt a bit guilty that he didn't help SHIELD with HYDRA but Bucky reminded him that he already gave his life once to stop HYDRA and that it was his turn to live his life. That he and Natasha should enjoy their second chance. Even though it was already the third one. But Bucky was right. What he and Natasha had was special and they deserved to be civilians for some time.

They left Athens to get to Crete. The days were for hiking and swimming in the sea and the nights were for lovemaking. Natasha collapsed on his chest and pressed a kiss to his neck. He had a hard time himself to catch his breath after having watched Natasha move on top of him.

"When do we have to go back?" She whispered into his neck.

"I don't know. I wouldn't mind being on vacation for good."

He felt her smile against his skin before she pressed another kiss to his neck. "Yeah, that would be great but we have to go back eventually. The world needs Captain America."

He sighed. "Yeah...I guess so. Have you thought about returning to SHIELD?"

She moved her head away from his neck to look at him. "I don't really wanna go back. I like the whole Avengers thing. I guess we would be still kinda working for SHIELD but also not really."

"Yeah, I'd like that too. Tony, Sam and Clint are also fans of the idea. And I think Bucky would join once he's done with hunting down HYDRA."

"But you're gonna be our leader, right?" She kissed his lips softly. "You're the only one on that team I would let order me around."

He raised his eyebrow playfully. "Since when do you listen to me? We both know you're the boss of me."

She grinned at him and kissed him again. "You can be the boss on the job and I'll be the boss everywhere else."

He flipped her so she was on her back. "Looks like I'm in charge here too."

"Ha!" She laughed and did that thigh thing that surprised him every single time and he ended up on his back with her on top of him again. "You keep telling yourself that, babe."

The END

* * *

I hope you enjoyed this story and thank you so much for reading!


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